Victor's Edge

I'm Losing the Race

2007-01-09T22:10:00.000+08:00

It's still uncertain yet, however i think i'm losing the race. What race? Not the Amazing Race Asia coz i didnt apply. I'm talking about my education. Yeah, most of my friends graduated, stepped into the corporate world, and earning big bucks already. I'm still racing towards the finish line, hoping to get honors for my degree. Yeah i know it's tough since i have meagre time on my studies since the 2nd year started, and also money is an important factor in my life nowadays that i can't forgo alot of things. Meagre allowance not enough to maintain my lifestyle nowadays, that's why i have to keep doing what i do best. Yeah...

Of course i have to curb spending and shits, so nowadays i'm reducing my daily costs already. Life ahead is gonna be tough, and shit, i gotta stop smoking. Drinking, has marginally being reduced, which at times i still drink beer though. Of course the man needs his beer, what can you do right?

Begging?

2006-11-01T02:47:00.000+08:00

Yeah, there are times when some people reached a certain dead end, they resorted for the detour, which methaporically concluded to begging. Hmm.. Begging? It's not really an issue to any one of you if you have an ego or you still have any pride left in yourself. Begging is definitely not something anyone would do in order to achieve something they want, which of course without any effort. For me, of course i never tried to beg anyone for anything, even though i wanted it badly, even it's a matter of life or death.

It's the same as begging an ex-lover to accept you back. That's definitely something i won't do because i have no point in doing so. Everyone knew i gave everything to that particular relationship. But why? I had the chance to beg her to accept me back. Why? The reason:

1) I will not resort to the extent so downright that i will feel embarrassed about myself when i flashed back at the stupid things i did.

2) A man always still have at least a little bit of pride or ego in themself, no matter how low they are, which in this case i can say i'm not as pathetic as that.

3) I don't have to beg because it wasn't me who released the blade that cut that relationship into two in the first place. So the one that should appeal? Shouldn't be me. So you should know what you should do if that's the case.

Don't give me more bullshit and you know it's something i will ignore from time to time. Begging is not a man's forte. So fuck it.

2006-10-30T17:58:00.000+08:00

Everything i just a lie in this world. Everone should know that we live in this world where bullshits are all over the place. Never EVER believe anything that a girl tells you.. Love? Bullshit.

Is it really that hard?

2006-10-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

I'm really happy for some people. My best friend, KS found his first love after a year of rigorous and thorough thinking. Maybe in a relationship you need to think alot of things through before you can really start a relationship, but at least in the end, both hands clapped. His feelings finally fell through for the girl and he got the guts to tell the girl that he wanted that critical move.

For me? HAHA. Always bad timing, bad decisions, bad experiences that ruined everything. Maybe it's just the way God wanted it to be. The expression "No Man's an Island" is bullshit afterall. I'm the island that even birds don't wanna drop their droppings on. I'm the island that even shipwreck surivors don't wanna swim over to. I'm the island that trees don't even grow, and sand gets washed away by the wave day by day. In the end? I'm not even an island anymore...

You asked me before, "Don't You trust me?" I said yes before, and i meant it. But now, i don't know who to trust or what to believe in anymore. I'm very lost.. Teach me. Show me the way. I want to trust you, but the assurance is not there... Can you guarantee that lightning doesn't strike twice?

How i wish things are still intact.

2006-10-09T14:32:00.000+08:00

See how happy everyone was

Everytime i look at this picture, i will think of how things didnt go too well after the beach party. Like what LJ said, "sigh.. i don't know how to face everyone already". Even though i didnt really catch what she meant particularly on that night, because i was awfully drunk. However, i do understand that alot of things has changed ever since. Things has fallen apart, people have left. J has already left, what's left in the group? Hmm, Icy, Rachel has seldom meet up with me anymore, only me and Sue hanging out all the time. Of course the person i will always miss the most is J.

Eventhough we don't talk as much as we used to anymore, i will always hope you have a good life there with your friends and finish your degree just as planned. Even though you're not here anymore, just bare in mind that i'll always be here for you anytime, just like always. Thanks for being there for me when i needed you the most..

The last Night we had supper together at McDonalds before he left.

Of course one other person i missed the most after J is my bro Edo.. Sigh. Life is really bad nowadays. I wonder who's going off soon? Yeah.. This is why i don't go to church anymore.. I don't believe in going to church anymore because it's redundant, even though i still believe in God. I'm deprived off alot of things which i cherished the most. Friendships, relationships, people closest to me..

TT

When Someone Important to You, no longer thinks you're important to her

2006-10-08T01:39:00.000+08:00

How many levels on the ladder of priority am i now since the day you mentioned about it? Has it gone up or gone down drastically? Yeah, life's like that. You don't know when it will screw you up, so you have to be mentally prepared for shits like that..

How much do i worth?

2006-10-07T06:43:00.000+08:00

I know i suck in all this 싳이미.. But sometimes i do think of what's my worth in your heart, regardless whether i'm your friend, someone you like, or just someone you barely know, rather aquaintance. I do asked myself, why i always get into a situations where the impossibles are hard to achieve, even though they always say Nothing Is Impossible.

나몰라.. I always hope that things are that clear cut. Whether it's friends, or not, i know there are things that i can't change in my heart, which is you've been someone special to me. No matter what, you'll always remain special in my heart, whether your feelings towards me changed for better or for worse. I don't like ambiguous relationships, whether it's no strings-attached or not. I've learnt that i need to focus on myself now because i have a long way to go.

Maybe you told me alot of things that you WILL do, but i don't know whether you will accomplish it because people tends to change with time. TIME is really a factor. And there are alot of variables that might change the way you feel towards me. 사랑해.. 사랑해... 쩡

Post no.215

2006-10-05T02:15:00.000+08:00

This is my post no.215. Yeah, WTF who's counting. Hehe... Anyway, just to blog for no reasons what so ever coz i'm bored at 2.15am in the morning. I find it quite uncanny that it's 2.15am and post 215. Should go buy 4d tomorrow, but lacks a number. Maybe 0215?

Oh fuck, tomorrow no 4d. Hehe. Thursdays sucks. I need a beer at this time. Where should i get one? Now i'm so broke that i don't have money to stock up my fridge with even a carton of coke light, let alone a six-pack of Heinekens. Shit. Sometimes I wonder why i study Economics in school.

In Economics, we learn that Money Demand = M(Transaction) + M(speculative) + M(precautionary). Of course Speculative in this context is too far digressed because i don't need to buy bonds and i don't have the money to do so. Transactions? The hell with it because i have $11 left in my wallet, and the only transaction i can make now is $10 for my EZ-link card for transportation (which is inevitably essential for me to get to school) and also the remaining $1 can buy me a can of coke light. Shit, i'm screwed.

So what's left for Precautionary? Haha. Nothing. In case i need a cab ride? In case i need to pay for some stupid bill that pops out from nowhere? Ahhhhhh.... I cant. Because i have no back up for the precautionary fraction in my money demand, no shit. Screwed...

In the mean time, i can't buy IDD cards to call J. Sorry i cant call you this week, unless i use my handphone. Hohoho.. then by the end of the month, another pile of shit will be waiting for me to clean. I'm so fucked..

$11.... Hmmmm... I think i should be a Miser from today onwards until this week is over and i got my financial injections, which could be considered as a meagre amount that will not kill me, but will let me remain living on a thread.

AAAAH!!!!!!

2006-10-03T01:02:00.000+08:00

I'm having problems which i myself couldn't understand. How do i demystify this feeling? It makes my makes my heart aches, my stomach squeals, and my head crack. I just couldn't understand. I don't know why my blood rush to my head and i say all the stupid things out without even considering what are the consequences. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I'm very disappointed with myself. I always let my feelings get the better of me.. People always say, it's you brain that controls you feelings. In my case, i think my feelings always control my brain. Sigh.. I feeling vexed and dejected right now. I shan't confide about this feelings to anyone, other than this blog. No elaborations required. If you know, you know. If you don't, then you don't need to know.. Don't ask.

I don't need a survey to tell me that 9 out of 10 people wants me dead

2006-09-28T06:01:00.000+08:00

Yeah, probably the title explains everything already. Just hope i will die soon okay? Everyone will be happy this way, except for my family. Sorry mom, dad.. I really don't know what women nowadays want already. I'm fucked up. I admit i made a fatal mistake, and now another one?

Luckily i covered my loss-time with tequila and vodka just now. Now abit high at 5.30am. Fuck. What women want? Shit. That's something you will never decipher or demystify....

Fucking shit

2006-09-26T13:28:00.000+08:00

My bro Edo went back to his country of origin already. Fuck. I'm now really friendless. Chibal!~Really sad. Of course i still have friends but i lost 2 people close to me here within 2 weeks and now i'm feeling kinda melancholic.. Shit...

Those were the happy moments we shared. Yeah, drinking, smoking, doing everything together.. I'll wait for you to come back, bro. We haven't smoke pot yet. HAHA. shit.. of course not because i don't wanna be a pothead.

Just drink...

And maybe smoke a little. Hehe, sorry J, i smoked but it was for the last time..

2006-09-24T01:28:00.000+08:00

Eonje dasi mannal ssu isseo? Naega jalmotaesseo, algo isseo..

Everytime...

2006-09-19T14:53:00.000+08:00

It's sweet and bitter memories for me. Sweet ones were Having lunch, going out, taking photos, go for a walk, doing everything hand in hand with you.

I felt those were the things that will always i reminisce from time to time because when i eat lunch alone everyday, i will think of you. I will think of the days we go out for lunch together. Without you here by my side, i felt a sudden emptiness to it.

Everytime i ask you out for lunch, no matter how busy you were, you will go out with me no matter what. The time we ate at Subway, when you prefer my Italian B.M.T rather than your own Subway Melts, We would exchange subs, and i will always eat those olives that you don't like. =P but most of the time you will feel bad because you're eating mine and i'm eating your's, so you will insist giving back my subs to me.

Everytime i pay for lunch, you will get angry and you will always say "You Never Listen to Me!". The fact is, i don't like girls to pay for me, especially when you're someone i like.

Everytime i said to you my sis complains about me, you will say it's not true. My sis always questions your taste because you like me, and she didnt understand why because she always says i'm ugly and you're pretty. How did it happened? My sis and her boyfriend even wanted to meet you because i spoke highly of you constantly in front of her most of the time, but i always refused because i always wanted some time alone with you. People around doesn't matter anymore because i only wanted to spend time with you. Of course, our close friends like LJ, Anthony, Edo, Icy, Rachel, Sue, and the rest are still acceptable, but not other people..

Everytime i walk you to school after lunch, we would take the same route. We would exchange pointers, you taught me a lot of Korean words, i taught you a few chinese sentences eventhough my chinese suck. You would ask me "Neo Deo Weo?" when you see me sweating like a pig. I'd tell you i hate Singapore because it's damn hot.

Everytime you go out, you will tell me and i'm really glad you did because there were times i'd worried sick about you, but you promised me you wouldn't do it again and i was really happy you kept your promises.

Everytime you will say "Jal Ja~" instantly after i walked you home because the route to your house is dark and creepy, as if no one lives there and you want me to leave as soon as possible because i had missed the last bus occassionally and had to walk home instead.

On the last day you were here, it was raining but i insisted on sending you home because i knew i couldn't see you off at the airport, so i was really dejected. You refused initially but you knew my intentions. Eventhough i didn't listen to you, but i had my own reasons to it. I know that it Might be the last time i will see you eventhough you said you will come back for me. But certainly i would miss you very much because you made my life meaningful and special, eventhough it was for a short period.

Eventhough we're apart right now, but i will always miss you and you will always stay close to me, in my heart. Bo go Si Peo, J.

The day she went away

2006-09-18T11:23:00.000+08:00

Melancholic is the only word suitable to describe the emotions and feelings i'm having right now.

It has been a great month for me. Everything happened so fast i didn't realised it has passed by. Time really flies, especially when you're enjoying the moment. I just couldn't understand sometimes why fate let us meet, but never let us continue on. I never regret in my decision makings, the choices i made and i will certainly not regret on the things i've done.

What has been done, has already been done and there is nothing you can do to change it anymore. Sometimes, you just need the courage to accept even the slightest flaw that you made which resulted a calamity ending. In this case, it didn't.

She was someone special to me. I mean, someone used to be special to me until she broke my heart and threw it into the rubbish dump. Yeah, that's how fast i can forget someone if they can hurt me so fast. I'm callous, but i'm also can be emotionally attached to someone very long and very deeply. I just don't know because it's just who i am.

If you're someone that i dear and cherish the most, i will give you everything, and i mean everything. Just like J for instance. She IS someone special to me right now. I don't know how to say. Physically, she just fits the bill. But her character is what i like the most. She is not like anyone i've met before. Eventhough we have not gone through alot together, or known each other longer than anyone else, but i felt like i click with her. I just don't know why. She's that someone that is very comfortable to be with sometimes i even fell asleep while i'm with her (just kidding). Everytime she's not looking, i will steal a glance at her, and the moment she looks back, i'll turn my head back conspicuously.

I never knew i had a crush on her back then. It definitely wasn't an act of desperation or substitution. If it had been that, i wouldn't have given so much into it. I mean, the fact is there are so many girls out there who are desperate as well. Why didnt i opt for the smooth road, instead of the rocky ones? It's just the feeling. Sometimes it's just fate. Like my previous fate, it ended horribly. Eventhough she has gone back to her own country, i will miss her heaps. I will write her letters, send her e-mails, call her, send her pictures, and do everything within my power. The main thing is it reciprocated, and i'm glad it has.

Sometimes, It's quite peculiar to the extent that how i managed to shift my concentration on something that fast to another person. I can tell you that, yes i can because eventhough it's something impromptu to do (but of course there are no right timing in any relationship. It happens and it happens for a reason). Now, i'm glad my Ex broke up with me. If not, i wouldn't have known i like J in the first place, and J wouldn't have comfort me in the first place. She told me she didn't mind the things i did which my ex couldn't accept, eventhough she hates it too. This is how much faith she has given me.

I'm really glad it happened.. Now i'm just gonna focus on this relationship, while working hard this semester academically. For you guys out there who think this is a consolation, i can tell you it's not. It's my first prize, my blue ribbon, my silverware, or whatever priority class you label, and i forgo my second prize to achieve this and i would like to thank her. No sarcasm intended. Just pure gratitude.

If she didn't break up with me, i wouldn't have known alot of missing jigsaw puzzles in my life. I wouldn't have known i like someone else instead. I would have continued working my ass off saving up every penny just enough to buy the stupid air ticket home which now caused me alot of problems. I don't hate you or hold any grudges. I just think that i did something not worth it because you're not my priority anymore, that's all. Of course we're still friends and all that.. Don't be silly okay?

Therefore, J is my priority. Not only she never hurt me, she always try to make me happy and i'm really glad that i met her. Now that she's gone, i will return the favour by staying true to this feeling and relationship because i know that she's feeling the same thing too. I'm not doing this because of gratitude or obligation, but because i L--E her. [Insert alphabet, ik or ov] I missed her very much and sometimes i really wish she would've stayed. Eventhough she couldn't, i will still persevere. Why? Because it's something worth doing. I'm not someone that's good at guessing and i like straightforward answers (which explains why i always get bad grades for objective questions). I like something emprical, rather than interpretive. She's true to me and i'm really happy about this. I don't need surprises, i only need frankness. Eventhough it sounds mundane, but that's just the way it is..

I will definitely miss her heaps. Bo go si peo, J. Mani mani mani mani bo go si peo. Neo ddo, Alayo..

I'm the Bitter Pill you WON'T swallow.

2006-09-15T19:05:00.000+08:00

Two months ago, i was hoping i would stay away from shit that won't do any good to me, mainly clubbing, drinking, smoking, splurging, et cetera. Until this month, I've done it all, excessively all..

Well, it wasn't much fun but it was a consolation to my stupid break up. I'm the bitter pill that she couldn't swallow, so shit happened. Well, i'm way over it right now. But i got another bitter pill that i couldn't swallow.. Haha. I don't know why, but i'm totally insane right now. I HAD the best 41 days before, and it ended cruelly, which reluctantly i accepted the fact, and moved on. Then, i HAD another best month subsequently after that and tomorrow onwards, it will end again. I mean, it won't end, but i would never be able to see her again because she's going to leave. The someone that was there for me when i needed her. Someone that talked to me, consoled me, someone that let me confide to her, and most importantly brought me up when i was really down. Now, she's gonna leave. FUCK.

Fuck. Life's cruel and it sucks. I will end up Friendless.. And now i have new reasons to drink and smoke more.. So fucked up.

Drunk.

Results of drunk-o-meter over the 50days-span.
--> 15/50 days tipsy/hangover/high, 10/50 days drunk.

Which means i was only sober for 15 days.
Fuck.. I'm so fucked up.

Never piss me off

2006-09-12T02:04:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday night i went clubbing at a quite prominent clubbing district in Singapore, somewhere around Mohammad Sultan Road, called O-bar or also Known as Double-O. Yeah, kinda got tired of Ministry of Sound and Zouk, so opted for a place which are designated for cheap liquor but still a high-end place for people to hangout.

Yeah, that night was like one of my worse clubbing night experience, which turned out to be a relief eventually. Yeah, Eventually..

Initially, i went to meet my friend (let's call her M), together with me was my Bro Edo. We were two hungry clubbing animals eyeing 6 Jars of Cocktails each, which we did in the end and i don't know how many did my Bro drank in the end. Maybe 8 or 9 because he was drunk thereafter and i took of with my friend M because she was drunk and i had to send her home.

At first, there was an incident in the bar that reluctantly i would like to write it out because i think it kinda piss me off if i dont.. This was how it happened..

Actually my friend M was kinda disappointed with one of our good friend LJ which stood us up and didn't turn up that night. So M was kinda sad that she drank quite a few jars herself. Erm, i mean it was kinda shitty for a girl to drink, but she kinda drank alot. The tag-alongs were her classmates that she barely knew and of course i don't give a shit about because i went there also because of her and my bro edo.

This fucker here from Malaysia (JB) fuck-face son-of-a-bitch tries to take advantage of the situation and hit on her, while buying her drinks. Well of course, i'm her friend and i'm pissed too when that happens. She was under alcohol influence and she drank a tequila that this piece of shit bought her. The asswipe then asked her to dance which she never hesitated and straight away went to dance with him. At first she pulled my arm, asked me to join, but i said No because she was drunk. She refused to get off the dance floor, and i was pissed. Damn pissed. The shitstain JB guy then bought her another tequila, which i intercepted from his grasp, and said i'll take it for her. The guy kinda gave me a few words, and i still refused to let it go. It kinda ignited a few harsh words from both sides. But M decided to take it from me and drink it. WTF. I warned her before not to drink anymore because she was drunk.

I walked out of the club straight away, my bro Edo noticed it and tried to stop me but i just couldn't control my temper and i don't know why. Pretty fucked up. Edo was quite emotional too. He was pretty much agitated by my antics and he finally coaxed me back into the club by saying he will talk M into things and bring her to me that i can pull her out of the club. I smoked while waited for him to do so in the club, because i was vexed. Smoke after smoke, i realised the adrenaline rush from the alcohol and nicotine was affecting my senses and nerves. My temper turned 180 degrees. Edo came with M dragged along. I was stupefied to see her to be more drunk than before. I asked her once more, will she go outside with me? She never answered me. She only kept on dragging my arm and ask me to go dance with her. Fuck. Then i just shove her away and i took off again, this time swinging the door hard, and smashing my glasses on the floor with full of resentment on it. I walked away and tried to leave the bar. While i was 5-minutes walk away from the bar, i thought to myself.. What if something happened to her if i go back just like that? She was pretty drunk at that time. I just couldn't bear to leave her like that.

So i ran back to the bar and reached within a minute. The bouncer, who noticed i slammed the door hard against the wall and smashed my specs on the floor impeded me from entering. The reason of his obstruction? I couldn't control my emotions. He said to me "I don't know what happened to you and your girlfriend inside the bar just now, quarrel or what, just don't take it into the bar and try to control your emotions and with you slamming the door and throwing your glasses on the floor, it's not cool man..." WTF. First thing's first. She's not my girlfriend, Second, it was a reflex thingy. I couldnt control it. So i ended up lying to myself and the bouncer that i'm sorry it happened, and it wouldn't happen again. If not, you can throw me out of the club as you wish.

So i went back in, my eyes darted around the area scanning for my friend, M. At that time i only had her on my mind because anything could've happened within that 10 minutes i was gone. Maybe she could've been taken to some other places by some other guy, or drank a spiked drink, or anything. The reason i don't like my girl friends to go clubbing without the companions they know well is particularly this. Shit happens. I ran to the dance floor, at the same time banging and rubbing shoulders with people along the way. But i still couldn't find her. At last i saw her at the table, with the fucking JB guy's arm around her and i straight away darted over and pushed him away. I yanked his slimy hand off her shoulder and said back off.. The poo-head seems doesn't understand the most comprehensible and simplest words i use because i really underestimated his ability to understand tough words, so i only used the words, "hands off" and "back off". He didnt do so until i yanked his hands off her shoulders while twisting it and gave him a glare to back off. He backed off when i gauged my fist, before it could be swung to his ugly face. I'm not as composed as my friend, Wee Suan who still tell the person to settle after class or meet where to settle. I just brawl straight away if i'm not fond of it. I'm not a thug, but i have my limits, so don't push it. Again, M asked me to go dance with her, and refused to leave the place. I couldn't stand her antics anymore, so i said to her "You go dance again, you wont see me anymore, EVER." She grabbed my arm but i shook it off and went for the door. This time was for good. I never returned. I was really angry because i couldn't do anything about it anymore...

I was really sad, frustrated, vexed, piqued of myself because there was nothing i can do about it and i've done everything i could, and towards her because she couldn't control herself and bring herself to sober up a few seconds just to understand my intentions. I walked and walked, and i smashed my phone on the floor on the way while i was walking. I never looked back because it wasn't necessary anymore. A few seconds after that i heard someone calling me "Victor, victor, victor...". She came after me because she knew i was pissed.. frustrated with her, i keep on walking. She never stopped running and stopped me from walking away while i pick up the pieces of my phone, which i thought it wasn't something worth doing because i have a lot memories in the phone, messages, contacts. But the phone was wrecked. Scratches all over, broken keypad, luckily still useable.. But i felt it was worth doing so in the end because at least she knew i was really pissed over the things she did. Fuck. You know what, after she came after me to stopped me, she still asked me to go in. At one second i thought she realised her mistakes. I was angry, i told her off. I said you wanna play some more, i'll go home. She kept on cajoling me and shits, but i never went for it. I stood firm, and said No. I asked my bro Edo to bring her handbag out and we sat outside while waiting for her to sober up before we can go get a cab home.

She kinda passed out, so i stayed with her for almost 2 hours until 3.30am. At that time was kinda late so i told her that she'll get scolded if she doesn't go home. She was still drunk and couldn't walk, so i carried her while trying to get a cab. Damn Heavy okay! It's not her weight, but mostly when people are drunk, they tend to get heavier, which i couldn't explain in a scientific way. I whistled for a cab and luckily the Cabbie uncle was good enough. He even offered to buy water at the gas station for her or something. Then what hit me again was that he said "Don't worry dude, i got girlfriend also, so i understand your predicament". WTF?! It was the second time someone has mistaken it. Of course it tends to happen to but why jump to the conclusion of her being my girlfriend straight away? But seriously the guy was really nice so i gave him $17 in the form of a ten dollar, a five, and a two because i didnt have $16 and asked him to keep the change for his nice gestures. I was really worried she might puked in his taxi because the cabbie drove quite fast as i requested.

We arrived outside her house after 10minutes. So i carried her out, brought her to the bench at the waiting post and let her sit down. She was in a latent state that she couldn't walk, so i waited with her again for another one and a half hour. It was till 5am that she managed to gather herself and stand up, which still she couldn't really remember anything. I told her what happened last night, but i didnt tell her i was angry at her. However, out of all things, she could remember the angry part, albeit being drunk. No shit. IN the end? We went for a walk to take some fresh air.. She wanted me to take a cab home but i said it's nearly 6am, but i have to walk around 3km to reach the main road to take a cab. That's why she felt bad about it, but i didn't care because i'd rather not spend more money on cab and her place has no cab, unless i call for a cab and that will cost even more. I don't like girls to pay for things, so fuck it. I don't wanna pay for it too. So i told her i'll walk.

Reached home at 7.30am, slept till 10.30, and went to work. Very fucked up that morning and couldn't swallow a thing for 48 hours.. Only drank Coke light, water and barley for the past 2 days..

Never piss me off again, because i might kill someone this time. Not my phone i'm gonna smash this time. Next time might be your ass i'll kick.

You just gotta do what you gotta go

2006-09-09T23:37:00.000+08:00

You know, recently i've been giving myself lots of burden because of my urge to splurge. Fuck. I'm now drained, my savings are gone and i have no money to spend because i have to pay my bills and et cetera. Well, life is pretty much fucked up right now, but at least the return was awesome. Talking about $1500 i spent last month to forget a fucking bad break up. Maybe it was worth it, eventhough i need all that to get my life back on track. Yeah, clubbing, mahjong, drinking, smoking, splurging. I'm living the high end shit life which i thought has no end to it until my wallet and my savings went dry. Actually i'm glad it did because i don't need this life anymore. Sleepless nights and hangovers.

I need a new resolution because i need to save up for another reason right now. My intial saving plan was to get back home, which i don't think will stand anymore. Now i need to save up for so many things like handphones, vacations. Fuck. I really need to reevaluate what are the things that are more valuable and i need to prioritise in life. Some things are worth to spend time, money and energy on. Some are not because they just don't. It's just like doing a business. You put your heart and soul to it, and you hope for something in return, at least to break-even your cost. Of course there are things you don't hope for, but at least you anticipate it's outcome. I mean, who doesn't want something good to happen to them? Who wouldn't wanna expect good things? It's just brainless if you said you're not and you're lying through you teeth. Don't be stupid.

So, what i'm trying to say is I'm over you even it's a short period, and it's been the hardest thing i've tried to get rid off, of course if you're talking about the constipation i had last year then it'd be second hardest. =þ
I'll always hope for the best and i'll still be around if you need me, erm.. maybe through phone or anything because i'm not physically around.

Yeah, maybe you're right. Life is hard to predict, and i'm glad that i didnt hope for anything, mainly from you. Initially my expectation was kinda high, but i'm just glad that i can be free again, emotionally and physically. I just wanna thank all the people around me since the day you broke my heart. They have encouraged me, cajoled me, cried with me (eventhough it was a sissy thing to admit), and of course to my great Bro Edo that dranked and smoked with me throughout this painful ordeal. Eventhough he's a regular smoker and i'm not, he even stopped me from smoking too much because I out-smoked him.

The beach party on last Friday (01/09) night was a great one. Cheap booze, alot of hot ass chicks in bikinis to gawk at, but most importantly it was a heluva great drunken party for me until i couldn't even stand straight which required Three big size friend to carry me. Haha eventhough i hurt myself, bled all over my clothes and badly cut my knee which bled alot and it still didnt recover after 1½weeks, but i'm still glad i went. It was truly an eye opener. It's what i truly am.. a party animal and a fish that lives in an aquarium filled with beer. And it is the memorable night that i managed to wipe off clean what ever remaining shattered pieces in my heart.. I mean not totally, but most of it. Yeah, you just gotta do what you gotta do.. Play hard, party hard and get knock out cold and forget everything in the morning.

No shit. Drink on. My best record is now extended to 15 cans of beers + 4 Vodka Limes, 4 Whisky Coke. Eventhough that's not a great record, but it's one of my personal best. Yeah, in one night. Nice shit.

I'm feeling so damn psyched!

2006-09-01T05:52:00.000+08:00

After 3 months of my so-called "revision", eventhough it wasn't very consistent and not very assuring, the day of awakening has come. The final 2 weeks of sleepless nights before the final exam, the final 2 weeks of shutting myself out from the world (even friends, but i still watched Champions league final and semi-finals during my pre-exam and exams), i finally Succeded what i was expected by myself and others to accomplish after a year's ordeal of putting everything in place. That Two Weeks were the Vital moment that resulted in today's Verdict.

I finally passed my exams! I have finally overcame my greatest fear of coping with Sociology and after picking up from where i left off in Accounting since day-one, on the final 2 weeks before my exam. I admit that i didnt study for Economics because i was over-confident about it, which consquently i dropped alot of marks there because of my superior arrogance, thus prevented me from getting a distinction. However, the least would i expected is to top Maths on my entire score sheet. Fuck! Maths! Can you imagine that? Maths is like my worst ever subject in school, and i seriously top maths on my score sheet?! Fucking deja vu does happen, which i thought i only encountered it in my dreams. Stats was predictable because i did heaps of mistakes on the part where vital points are the lifeline between failing or passing. Of course i managed to steal one this time and saved myself alot of embarassment and time, not to forget money and of course getting booted out straight away back by my sis.

Yeah, shit does happen. This time, nice shit happened to me. Maybe this is my karma, which God presented to me first before i need to repay it back soon. Whatever it is, He really has helped me to go through this hellish-period which really has tormented me psychologically.

No fuck. Thanks. I'm cool right now thanks to the gratification i get from all this awesome shit, which initially was a great trepidation to me for the fear of failing at least half a unit which could cause deep shit to my entire future.

Year Two, here I come! Ohhh... Of course i still have 2 weeks of holiday. For you guys out there, eat your heart out. HAHA.

Thanks to all that believed in me for not failing this shit. You guys are the best. I will do better and i will study more than 2 weeks next time, maybe 3 or 4 months to be exact? Haha. Now gotta get some sleep. I'm fucking brain-screwed right now after a tumultuous week of pertubance.

Balls always roll down the hill. They don't stop halfway unless there's obstruction

2006-09-01T01:06:00.000+08:00

There's a saying that goes.. "Enjoy While It last".
Yeah, that's pretty much what i'm doing now. With an ambiguous strive towards literally nothing, i'm accepting the fact that i don't need to save money anymore because i don't need it for any particular reasons at the moment. Why? Erm, maybe because my results are coming out soon and i think it probably would be the epitome of my "Enjoy while it last" statement because when it do come out, i think i'm gonna suffer the similar fate of most incompetent undergrads that didnt make the cut and takes the cake; Shitcake to be exact.

Yeah, just watch out for me in the newspaper headlines. I'm sure it will come out for all the wrong reasons.. Shit, i'm really stressed out right now. I've been dreaming of the wrong things lately. Yeah, hope it's not a brace of peculiar shits that actually signifies my mishaps which really did happened in reality.

Like usual, let's just enjoy the present while it last shall we?

Random

2006-08-28T14:23:00.000+08:00

Days gone by, i still feel you're by my side. But too bad it's just not..

I actually Detest Sleeping

2006-08-24T23:39:00.000+08:00

Most people in this world love to sleep. It's the best thing to do when you're trying to pass time. Plus, sleeping gives you energy, relaxes your nerves, but at the same time might give you bad dreams like what i've been experiencing this past few weeks.

I seriously have problems in sleeping. Most of the time i would sleep around 4 or 5 am. Even after came back from a whole night of fun outside or finished clubbing, i still couldn't sleep because i have a psychological insecurity towards the things that bound to happen the moment i shut my eyes. Some might think i'm deranged, and seriously speaking i am. Some serious shit had turned me into some shitty person that has no sense of direction at all. Of course i still know what i need to do, but i'm going crazy as days past. My body is shutting down. Hands trembling, watery eyes, dry skin, weak arms, and i'm slouching more seriously than ever.

I don't think i can make it. Every night i would dream about things i don't wanna think about. If i think about it, it will give me a bad day. But if i don't think about it, automatically it would appear in my dreams. Fuck. I'm screwed so badly i think i need a therapist soon.

Of course, in the mean time, no pressure, no pressure. When you're stressed out, just light a cigarette and puff on. Drinking is good too. Of course, drinking is better because it makes you drunk and won't spoil your lungs. Sides, cigarettes here are expensive..

Shit happens... really..

2006-08-16T00:22:00.000+08:00

Everytime shit happened, everybody gets the bloody notion that i'm the bad guy and i'm the arson that started the whole inferno. What the fuck?! Yeah, i'm so used to it. Life's like that.. No matter what you do, you will always get screwed up. I've been screwed up multiple, countless times and no matter what i do, how good i behave, how well i treat anyone, i'll always get screwed up. Thus i'm a real screw-up.

My fate really sucks. Will my life change? Or i'll still get screwed until the day i exhaled my final breath i still get screwed? Maybe my coffin box gets stolen by some ass prick, and i have to be buried inside a refrigerator? Yeah, If that happens, i'll get a refrigerator then.

Fuck.

Lifted

2006-08-12T14:06:00.000+08:00

Something that made my heart felt better. Wanna know what is it?
I read up on alot of things for the past few days besides playing mahjong, talking on the phone and online. I read up about symbols and meanings of dreams. I read up about looking at things on the bright side, and the most important thing, i pray. Thank God for giving me peace and solace.

Sometimes you just have to look at things on the bright side. In order to go for your dream, you should improve yourself first, in order to provide what's best for yourself and others in the future. I'm just trying to do that for myself first.

Finally i understand why Kai Swee wouldn't date anyone in the present. He just couldn't provide what's best for them because he still lives under his parents' roof. Yeah, sometimes a mindset like that is kinda dumb, but you think of it in the long-term, it makes pretty much sense too. What you'll lack is the experience in a relationship, but alot of experience won't guarantee success too right?

Sometimes maturity is just what lacks in a relationship. The way we handle things, the way we treat others, the way we look at things which differs from other's perception. There are alot of factors in a relationship to run in smoothly, but one thing i learnt is maturity. What i lack was maturity. What i lack was the way i reacted towards my break-up in the first place. I was really stupid. I mean, to put aside something so major in the short-run is a pretty tough thing to do, but it's just how you see it. Putting aside and handling it with a rational mind are just different methods. You just have to look at the big picture. I won't call it self-denial because it isn't. It's just the things you should do for yourself in order to find that thing you call a relationship in future. If you're lucky, she might be your soulmate for life.

So never stop believing in yourself, before you believe in others. Believe what you can do first before you believe what people can do for you in return.

Never stop believing.

-word-

Photo

2006-08-11T02:34:00.000+08:00

A photo, can say a thousand things
But it can't say the million things
I wanna say
A photo, can capture the way we were
But it can't capture the way we are
Cause you're far away

What it's like to know you
What it's like to touch you
Yeah...

When you told me that you loved me
Were those just words?
You can't tell me you don't need me
And I know that hurts
Cause I'm looking at your picture
Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day, you and me will have
One more shot

Timing, lost minutes and moments
Yeah, I might be lonely, girl
But I'm not afraid
In a second, it all comes right back to me
No, nothing's forgotten now
Yeah, everything's saved

What it's like to touch you
What it's like to know you
Yeah...

When you told me that you loved me
Were those just words?
You can't tell me you don't need me
And I know that hurts
Cause I'm looking at your picture
Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day you and me will have
One more shot

You were my life
You were my faith
You gave me hope everyday

When you told me that you loved me
Were those just words
You can't tell me you don't need me
And I know that hurts
Cause I'm looking at your picture
Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day you and me will have
One more shot

Ryan Cabrera's Photo. One of my favorite.

A light heart, leads a happier life.

2006-08-11T00:20:00.000+08:00

My friends have been coaxing me to calm down and lighten up. I'm trying my best to do so. I know i'm being an asshole throughout these few days, moody and shits and nobody in a friend's shoes would want to experience that predicament. I understand. I'm just terribly sorry i wasn't really matured in handling this matter and put you guys in a really difficult position. I just need more time because i'm just a warm-blooded human. I'm lightening up and trying to put this aside, look at it optimistically. Sort it as a detour in a relationship that could be resolved through time.

Everyday, i'm telling myself sometimes love doesn't necessarily need to reciprocate. Whether it happens or not, it's still a joint-factor. If you cant make her to love you, you can love her but don't force her to love you because I only want you to be happy. I'm not trying to be noble or benevolent, but if two persons have to suffer, why not just don't let anyone suffer, or rather one person suffer is better than two person suffering, right? Thus, i'm loosening the ropes, and let it drift.

Even if time can cure the damages, but will they look back? I've learnt that from my own experiences, My bitter experiences, No. Most likely No. I will still love you for as long as i can, but i won't hope you will love me back anymore because like you've said, high expectations will inflict more damages if it doesn't reach it's expectations. Actions does speak louder than words. Time is another factor. Before anything changes for better or worse, I will only wish you'll lead a happy life, be successful in what you do. I'll pray for you, pray for myself, and pray for my loved ones.

As i look back on the time we spent together, i've never felt better than that my entire life. Like they said, some people don't even have the chance to experience it, no matter how deep their love for any particular girl. Looking at the bright side, thanks for letting me love you and showed me your love throughout that period.

Alas, My Door is always open no matter what. Sitting by the door might sound stupid, but yeah, i'll sit by the door everyday until the day it returns.

End.

*word

Wet sand. Wet pants. Wet face

2006-08-10T17:35:00.000+08:00

The song that explains everything.
The song that makes me deranged.
The song that also provides me solace.
Wet sand.

thanks to RHCP for the great song.

Everything reminds me of you

2006-08-10T00:05:00.000+08:00

Recently i had a few nightmares which came true. Premonitions of which surprisingly came true. The major shit that came true was i broke up with my chick. That nite i dreamt about me doing my laundry while chatting online. Then i strucked me when i dreamt of myself getting dumped by my chick. Okay, that's history now. I'm a total loser anyway.

Recently, or rather last nite, i dreamt of me getting stabbed by people which i couldn't exactly recall their faces. I was dying, and apshyxiating from a punctured lung while blood oozing and squirting out like volcano lava. She walked passed, without blinking an eye, continued walking and just ignore the commotion. I didnt know what does that dream means though. Am i really gonna die that way? Or is it a hidden profound and undecipherable dream which would lead to a more substantial and slow destruction? I've been having nightmares ever since, which thus made me fear of sleeping at nights.

When i don't sleep, i will think. If i sleep, i will have nightmares. What should i do? I'm a bit claustrophobic, but at least facing claustrophobia would be better than going through the same shit everyday. My mind off only works during mahjong and work. What am i going to do with the remaining hours? I really hope i would have a memory loss. But i just can't. It's the feeling that exudes from me that results all this. Even my mind is not playing tricks on me, i'm still feeling it everytime. Everytime. Everytime.

Everytime someone talks about something related to it, it would remind me of her. Pussycatdollz, Justin Timberlake, or any R&B hits on radio, Michael Chad Murray on TV, Roti Canai, Teh C Peng, Women's in any boutique, i would go really emotional. People talking about hanging on to something, i would think of her. When my friends talk about their relationships, break-ups, how happy they are with their beau, tears would start to fall. I'm totally effeminated. I'm becoming a sensitive bitch myself. Things that i wouldn't even give a shit last time really haunts me now.

Be the man? Right. I'm trying to do so by going a step ahead, at a time. I'll try. I will. But i'll still do what i should do and promised myself i would do, not for the sake of promising myself to do so, but because i Love her. Promises are meant to be broken. But things should be good when time changes everything. Hope it change things. Hope it change me, change her, and better things up.

One day. Just one day.

*word.

Happy or unhappy thoughts?

2006-08-08T05:51:00.000+08:00

Define happy. You will only know what is happy when you've learnt what is unhappy. The feeling could be uplifting, or a downward spiral. Now, eventhough i'm telling myself to be happy that things should be better in the future, cajoled myself to live everyday's life like the past. Happily. But i couldn't recall much happier moments i had before, besides the best 41days of my life. Now, memories are just memories. Probable Resurrection? Hrmmm, maybe time could wash off the stain, let it flow back to the sea. But is it possible? Moving on is easy to be said than done. I'm trying hard to. I'm living my life, while constructing my dream and my future. Just hope one day i can feel the happiness again, which is not just the mere 41days i've lived. I want you to be happy too. That's why i didnt choose to be self-centred and refrained you, which is something i couldn't do too, considering your strong will and attributes.

Maybe my friends were right. I need time. You need time. A few Months not enough? Maybe a few years then. It's easy to say it right now because we don't know what might happen and what could change in future. Relationship fell apart? At least resumed as friends but i'll keep the passion alive because i couldn't find a way to put it out.

I will persevere.

Just wish God will help me while i accomplish my part.

*word

Stupidly peculiar shit

2006-08-07T16:01:00.000+08:00

Call me stupid or what, but i'm sticking to my 7 years' plan whether anybody likes it or not. I'm not being obstinate or a bitch, but it's just a track i'm adamantly moving straightforward to. If it happens, it will happen. If it doesn't i'll live the 7 years plan alone and it's best to do so planned. If not, let's just keep it status quo. 28.6 and 7.8 are the numbers that will always remain in my cerebrum, no matter how well or bad it turns out eventually. I'm just gonna do what i have to do. The rest, i'll leave it to God.

Twist of Fate II

2006-08-07T01:03:00.000+08:00

Sometimes life is cruel. You get what you deserve, you get what you didnt think you would've deserved, and you get what you supposingly don't deserve. Fate always does the damage at it's best because it controls the whole Karma thingy.

First, i believe in Karma. I did shitty stuffs, and i pay back big time. This time, i paid back with my biggest prize. Stripped it off from me impromptuly and when you least expect things to change as quickly as that. Of course these things are really weird. You just don't expect it to come with a warning label that says, "Hey, Here it comes. Duck!" or something like that. It just happen. Shit happens. There are no amendments in this world sometimes because there are just things you can't alter all your life wishing you could've altered. Sometimes a missing jigsaw puzzle will remain missing if you can't find the right one for it. A new one may never fit as nicely as the missing one. However it's only how you conform to it, give it a little touch to make it fit. But life isn't like that. You just have to let it go, hope things may come to you in a more subtle and conspicuous way when you least expect it to come. Of course, you should be hoping for that because the higher you go, the greater you'll fall. But i'm willing to take the risk because eventhough the stakes are high, the return might be what you've always yearned for.

Sometimes you just can't blame anything for it. If it was you fault, then it was your fault. The whole thing you can blame, is affinity, fate. Why did you responded to this kind of action? Why do you keep on doing the same thing? Why it happened when you assured yourself it wouldn't. Everything happens for a reason. Whether it's not time, assurance, exposure, or reaffirmation. You just have to rethink your options, but of course i'm not keeping my options wide, just hope i won't have a second twist of fate. The first chapter which is also the only chapter that Might be in the book has just ended. If you wish for an ending, probably you should try to shut down your options, take a hiatus, move on, and if you're lucky, you'll get a windfall when you least expected. Of course that's just life.

Currently nothing has ever gone well around me. I'm jinxed. But keep the optimism door wide open because things could turn around and there could be a better day ahead, I wish.......

*word

Life is broke

2006-08-04T08:57:00.000+08:00

Recently i'm enthralled by work (of course i got paid for it).What to do? Life is constantly broke. I'm still young and haven't gone out into the work force already i've felt broker than before. What will happen if one day i can earn money? I mean REAL money, not from some stupid part time job, which is not really that stupid since it gives you your monthly stipend too.

Sure, a few hundred bucks is good money if it's well spent. How do you measure money and spendings anyway? How do you measure if it's really worth to spend, regardless of it's price tag? Somehow you do ask yourself sometimes why do you spend that kind of money, when you don't have it. Or why you'd rather spend that kind of money, knowing that it won't last you very long through out the whole month but you were still willing to spend it?

Of course you can't measure the money spent to fill the precious time you will be spending. I mean, it depends on the factor. The fun factor, the yearn factor, and of course the hope factor. Spending could be fun. Especially hanging out with friends and shit. Spending is worth it, if you're longing to see that someone you yearned to see and it fills up all the gap. Spending is definitely worth it, if it's something you hope in return, i.e. Investment? Nah, sometimes money is just not as powerful as you thought it is. It's just a motivation for you to make things happen. For instance, a house, a car, et cetera.

What's more motivating is your strive to reach what you should be reaching for in the first place, and by that i meant a short-run pragmatic endurance and peseverance tests which you will be clinging onto for the next few years to aggregate to a long-run goal.

Everyone wants a long-term plan to work isn't it? Of course i want a long term plan to work myself, but most important right now is to focus on the short run plans because it is the factor that makes up to a long-term goal.

Don't Let your Dick Tell You What to Do

2006-08-03T05:25:00.000+08:00

You know, why most men nowadays cheat? Why most men nowadays masturbate and succumb to jacking-off so often they treat it as a dessert after every meal? (of course not consumed). Why do raping and sexual harrassment increase drastically nowadays? WHY?

Ask your dick.

Your dick is the thing that controls your urge to do all those downright pervertic acts. Of course i'm not saying sex is something bad or anything, but if it's pointing the wrong way all the time, what the fuck is it used for besides peeing and protruding in front of your pants everytime you see a hot chick pass by?

So my advice is castrate it if you cant celibate. Owen should take the lead for us to follow..
He still owes me his left Nut. Fuck You Owen. Send me Your Left nut via Mail or i'll castrate both of it when i go back you piece of douchebag.

LIFE SUCKS.

2006-08-03T02:05:00.000+08:00

I Missed you baby. I feel like 4 days away from you already. yeah. I think i really am 4 days away from you. Whatever it is, i can't help it. I just hope this misery would end soon and we can be together again. Life really suck. Really. It does. But i'll cherish every second i have when i'm back, and go through this shit every second too. Even though it's tough shit here, but it won't be long. It's either let it be US, or i die in a freak accident. No shit. Fuck this shit is really worth more than you thought.

serious shit

2006-07-28T03:54:00.000+08:00

I'm An Asshole.

7 years

2006-07-27T04:15:00.000+08:00

7 years is really fast. A blink of an eye.

Blink, blink.

Okay, i just blinked twice and it's just 3seconds into 3.16am.

You just have to smoke more pot, drink more beer and you have it in your mirror already..... Congratulations, if you do that, you just added 7 years to your already-hideous-face.

Anything can happen in 7 years. Let's just see what are the likely possibilities.....

You can win a 1 million dollar lottery, become a millionaire and sip rum by the beach at the caribbeans till the money runs out, maybe 20years later, and kill yourself before you're 50 because you have no more money to go on with your life and you didnt make the most out of it while you were young. Die alone.

You might follow the path of most people in this pragmatic world nowadays. Graduate from college, get a degree, further study, or just simply barge into the working force straight after university. 9 to 5 life. Didnt manage to find someone you're fond of, gets desperate before your face peels off and hair sheds off, goes to speed-dating activities, match-making agencies, single bars, ask friends for fix-up dates. Finally, gets one that deviates your likings. Get married, have kids, live a life with not much attachment and enthusiasm, and Die. Married, but with a lost-soul.

Or, you might get married, have kids and maybe 3 kids before it even reaches 7 years. Maybe Grandchildren at the age of 45, and great grandchildren by the time you're only 70. Die with lots of people attending your funeral. sounds great.

Or, you can just simply die straight away tomorrow morning on your way to work, get hit by a car, fall into the drain and get a concussion which leads to brain hemmorhage, get killed by a drunk trucker while crossing the road, get stabbed by some serious shit robber eventhough you've submitted at knife-point. Die young, lonely and precariously.

There are things that are inevitable in life, but there are things you can take control of by just giving it all. It's not how you're going to walk the line, but how badly you want to walk the line. Affinity plays a part in our life, but sometimes it's just not enough when you're the only one that's making a big deal out of the situation. Like they say, two rights doesn't make a left, three does. It's useless to have two rights, if you're missing the third.

You complete me. Even if i'm any near success in future, those are just redundant supplementaries. Nothing matters anymore. Just you.

My island awaits me soon. But i hope 7 years is the deal, or the pact that will make everything happen.

peace out* word*

EuroTrip, not on DVD...

2006-07-24T05:56:00.000+08:00

Actually i have a pact with my Daughter, Dilys to go backpacking on the year 2010, ehmmm.. of course the year 2010 is also the year that we see that skunk Cristiano Ronaldo running around the pitch crying like a baby and pleading fouls when he was lightly prod by someone from the back. (given that Portugal qualify for it), and of courwse you can be sure that David Beckham is gonna retire and cheer for players like Theo walcott, wayne Rooney, Aaron Lennon, Anton Ferdinand from the stands like what Diego Maradona did for Argentina during the last world cup before Argentina bowed out and subsequently shut him up once and for all .

It's tough being a Young dad. I know, i know...

Yeah, 2010 is the year we cross continents, focus more on Europe though, you know.. walk around Europe, hitch-hiking, sleep in cheap motels, park benches and shits, on a shoe-string budget. It's Dollar vs Euro man... south Africa is just another destination i managed to cajoled her to reach consensus with, because we might able to watch at least 2 matches, Maybe some shitty group stage matches. Of course this is one long term plan, which is still pending and still has 4 years to go, but i'm confident it's gonna happen. Trust me. I got more than a year to save that kind of money and hell yeah it's happening, alright..

However, a change of plans because i was thinking of a duo trip, but seeing Europe with my Daughter only, the feeling is kinda empty (no pun intended, baby). sipping coffee next to the leaning tower of Pisa, Looking at Paris' night view from the Eiffel tower, Visit the demised Highbury ground, which probably is not gonna be there anymore in 4 years' time, Berlin, Helsinki, Copenhagen, Oslo, Amsterdam, et cetera.

I don't know..... I think it should be a family thingy right? And i promised to bring mommy to see you one day right? Hehe, thinking of the trip alone already make me feel like telling her that i wanna share my dream with her and also of course my daughter (you're still one of my priority baby, don't frown okay?).

I don't know, i want you to go with me in 4years' time. The question is, will you go with me to see Europe in 4years' time? And maybe the rest of the world after that?

word*

I will

2006-07-22T04:42:00.000+08:00

I will give my best to this relationship regardless of what it would cost me.

Just slow and steady.

I hope everytime i embark to my little island, you will take it as a "summer trip" that will only last not more than 3 months before we can be together again. Take it as a mission i have to fulfill and i have to accomplish it in order for the best of our future. Promise.

Everytime i book an air ticket home, that is the least i can do as an assurance that we'll always be together, i want us to be together, and i will come back just because of you.

Everytime i book another return air ticket, that means i got it all planned. That means i prioritized you in whatever i do. Before i waste another Dollar to take a 20 blocks ride to town, or another Dollar on unnecessities like a can of Coke, i would think of how much i could save up in a month if i start being more frugal most of the time, so i can plan my next return.

Everytime i book another return air ticket, i want it to be the ticket that will promise me something solemn and seeing you will answer all that.

Everytime i book my next return air ticket, i wouldn't wanna keep it as a surprise, instead i want you to be excited when i tell you about it; and if possible, you would start counting the days, instead of thinking distance and time as a burden and pressure.

I will work my ass off, be more frugal, save up more, so that i can alleviate the pressure you're feeling from this Long-distance relationship. Time is just another constraint. Distance is just another barrier to be breakable through understanding and communication. Hope what i'll do will at least make you feel that this relationship is worthy afterall, eventhough we might only see each other for an aggregated 120days per year tops. That's the best i can do.

I'll Cancel off all the fun and shitty ideas for now. My focus is just to get Home more often. Your coming holiday is your hiatus with your kin.

I realised i can't breakdown now. I only can keep the train running, and adamantly hope it runs smoothly to the destination we need to reach. I'm doing this all for myself, The self that craves to see you where only a sea sets us apart. Just remember our Deal, if you're talking in a more pragmatic way.

My only wish is to make it happen because nothing else matters anymore. Just you.

wait for me baby. I'll start counting. will you do the same too? I don't need a promise, i just need to feel our heart assimilate.

word*

wet sand

2006-07-21T13:37:00.000+08:00

My shadow's side so amplified
Keeps coming back to dissatisfied
Elementary son, but it's soul
My lover fair with everywhere
Was innocent why do you care
Someone stop the car Time to go
You're the best I know

My sunny side has up and died
I'm betting now where we (co-lie)
Universal shift into a love
The travesty that we have seen
Are treating you like Benzadrine
Automatic laughter from a (crow)

My what a good day for a, walk outside
I'd like to get to know you a little better baby
God knows that I'll really try
My what a good day for we take a ride I
'd like to say we did it for the (better of)

I saw you there so unaware
Those hummingbirds all in your hair
Elementary, son, but it's (soul)
The disrepair of Norma Jean
Could not compare to your routine
(Ballerama) beauty going toe to toe

My what a good day for a, let it slide
I'd like to say we did it for the (better of)

I thought about it and I brought it out
I'm motivated by the lack of doubt
I'm concentrated but I'm not devout
The mother, the father, the daughter

Right on the verge just one more dose
I'm traveling from coast to coast
My theory isn't perfect but it's close
I'm almost there why should I care
My heart is hurting when I share
Someone open up, let it show

My what a good day for a, walk outside
I'd like to think we did it for the (better of)
I thought about it and I brought it out
I'm motivated by the lack of doubt
I concentrated but I'm not devout
The Mother, the father, the daughter

Oh you don't form in the wet sand
You don't form at all
Woah you don't form in the wet sand, I do, yeah

You don't form in the wet sand
You don't form at all
Woah you don't form in the wet sand, I do, yeah!

This is the best song in stadium arcadium advance CD one.
Acknowledgement - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Dejected. Hope i would just die.

2006-07-20T19:37:00.000+08:00

Everytime something happens and i couldn't solve it, most likely i would talk or write about it. I dont know, there are just some things that you can't do shit about. Like i said, i do believe in Karma. Maybe karma is defined as prick you at where it hurts the most. sometimes i wish i would have a shorter life to trade for all this shit. Of course what's the point of living in this world till you're 80 or 90 when you have to bear with those agony. I don't wanna put up a brave front and be-The-Man-bullshit anymore. I'm too tired and i don't think i can bear with all the emotional chow-chows anymore. I'm just trying to have a good, steady, simple relationship regardless of how far i would go for it, how hard i would strive to accomplish it. I'm just willing to forgo the unthinkables. what's the point of reaching to the top when you gonna die alone and in seriously fucked-up way.

I'm too emotionally attached right now i feel that i'm going crazy. Do the unimagineable, cut myself and shit. Just shoot me. Release me from this pain. At least let me have a few years of self-denial before i stop lying to myself. At least it's shot well taken.

Everything's over then i'm might as well end up the same. The captain goes down with his ship.
Fuck.

Victor = Loser

2006-07-20T14:48:00.000+08:00

Victors reign victoriously above all.
Victors stand tall among all.
Victors always stand out from the rest.

I think i shouldn't be called Victor at all. Maybe Loser is a more appropriate significance. I've been telling myself that the whole time right now. I just don't know why. There are times you just wish you weren't born to this world. Maybe i'm just a Lost soul after all. Trying to transit my stay here before leaving for the limbo world.

I'm sure i'm not going to heaven already because i'm due to eternal damnation soon for having this thought. sorry dear God, sometimes a hiatus is just not what i'm looking for in this life. Like i'd said, I'll make, or i'll Break.

Take me out.

Fuck, life sucks. It really does

2006-07-19T03:03:00.000+08:00

Economics? Future economist? Yeah, we can just bury it down to hell. study economics to help the development of Asian and African economics and social welfare? Case study? Erecting the economic welfare? Bullshit. sometimes karma really works. so i'll just try to benefit myself before i benefit the society with my economics plan in future. why don't we just let Thai Baht crash, China's Ren Min Bi freefall, lives in jeopardy and more people live on the street while i walk away with their country's riches. who needs to care about anyone else? why do we need to help others when God don't even help us sometimes. Doing bad things are wrong, but how do you measure wrong? Fuck. Life is unfair. I hope if i suffer, everyone suffer the consequences too. Being a good guy is tough. The temptations of going astray are vast but somehow i kept my principles. sometimes you just get spit on the face for doing the right thing. In fact, why don't we give ourself a twist in life and go for something else instead.

we'll start with the economy.

I feel like meeting grandpa sometimes

2006-07-19T02:49:00.000+08:00

3 a.m. is when spirits and souls come out to feast on their daily offerings, but why Grandpa never comes back to see us. I'm not afraid of ghost or anything, sometimes i really really miss him and hope he'll just come back and show me the Love he used to give me when i was a kid.

sometimes i do miss grandpa and also my deceased uncle who passed away a few years ago.
Nothing seems to matter anymore.

2006-07-19T02:35:00.000+08:00

The feeling of being in love is remarkable. Knowing that you're in love and simply can get that someone out of your head. Even insults, mockery hurled at you, you don't seem to care anymore because everything that matters is only her.

The feeling being love is simply inexplicably joyous and magnificent. The feeling of being requite is just great. It's like winning the European lotto that probably would not happen to you in 10 lives, or more.

The feeling of getting your heart broken is like getting run over by a truck, subsequently paralyzed and there's no shit you can do about it besides waiting for time to extricate you from the misery. If you're lucky, a couple of years before your ruptured organs start to shutdown. If your organs
are healthy, maybe 10-20years. If i could reach for the life support system, i'll pull it off. Best way, bite your tongue to kill yourself from excessive bleeding. That's the manliest thing you can do if you're paralyzed.

The feeling of getting your heart broken the second time? God knows.. Anything might just happen. Anywhere anytime.

Affinity

2006-07-15T02:42:00.000+08:00

sometimes there are inexplicable things in life that makes you wonder about it's occurance or existence. why does it happen after one thing has toppled over another, and why not on your first shot? why sometimes you need to go through things you shouldn't be going through to get to the final destination? Are those obstacles in life to test your perseverance, self-righteous, or lust?

Of course some tend to lose hope on something unreciprocal, try to gather what's left and move on with life. But have you thought of moving on will even create more unnecessary damages? Turning into paths you weren't supposed to turn in to and cause more trouble along the way just to cajole yourself it's the right thing to do? sometimes it's just not the right thing to do. Before you tell anyone the phrase "Let's try", or you're uncertain of how you felt about that someone, it's just not gonna happen and last. Most likely you'll end up repenting over your mistakes and wished it never happened.

Of course if you look at the bright side of things, the ordeal will make you cherish the things that you've once lost and never let it slip right out of your grasp again. what doesn't kill you will eventually make you stronger. I believe that we've been through alot to reach this stage in life is just because of our affinity. God helped made it happened. I really hope that she' the ONE i can end my life with. Maybe i'm a bit too meticulous over my future nowadays, but yeah, Nothing really matters anymore. Nothing comes before it anymore.

Like they say, most men like novelty, but i prefer to eat the same vegetarian noodles from Kenyalang market for 13years, drink the same Pepsi instead of new flavors, and eat pizza with my bare hands instead of trying to impress or being cultured. Of course i'm not talking about my uncouth behaviours and habits right now, if you know what i mean.

There are things that aren't superb but it's just habitual and your grow to love it everyday. Just like my bowl of noodles that i ate for 13years for instance. It's just incomprehensible and you don't have to understand the reasons behind all that either. It's just the Love for it.

I really wish the Vegetarian noodles will still be around decades later because i'm used to eating it already.

I'm going delirious

2006-07-13T03:48:00.000+08:00

Let me tell you something.. Eventhough my chick doesn't really fancy me talking about the future, but i kinda got it figured out. I realised i'm really someone that will miss something eventually eventhough the initial plan was to let the decisions to go with the flow.

You can say i think too much, but it's really something i wouldn't really bother about in the past. Most of my friends know my desire to go to the states in the future, which recently i think is not really necessary anymore, unless she's willing to go with me =p. I don't know, some of you might think that i'm not ambitious enough, or i don't plan for my future nor take it seriously, or just simply i don't know what i want.

I realised that going to the states might kill me eventually, so if i wanna work abroad in future, why not work somewhere closer to home. If i wanna go for post-graduate studies, why not study somewhere closer to home? Going back and forth would definitely be a breeze and i can alleviate my urge to see her. sometimes i do admire my friends Anna and Kelvin for keeping things intact for quite a while already and still burning hot. They really reciprocate very very well. That's the least i still have for Kelvin eventhough his friendship qualities hit me badly on the face sometimes.

My new resolution while still studying - Come back AT least Twice a Year. skip a week's class if i have to.
New resolution after graduate - Look for a bank job because they give 28days leave a year, plus additional 2-day off every month so i can make full use of it and come back at least once a month.

I know this is a bit too early to plan and shits, but sometimes you just have to in order to reach your personal goals. Maybe that was something i seriously lacked in the past. Hmmmmmm..

I'm really motivated to do beyond my expectations when i'm with her..

I need to change my blog address soon. sometimes you just need a personal space to write all this shit, like Josh's. strictly for close friends, and no one beyond. Maybe when i return to sing, perhaps...

Loser

2006-07-12T01:10:00.000+08:00

Raining, eve of kai swee's birthday. Correction - already Kai swee's birthday because it's 1am already. Happy birthday, buddy.

I know congratulating a friend and writing this post is totally irrelevant but sometimes pros must have cons too right? I don't know why i'm feeling abit down tonight. Is because thinking of the fact that i have 17 more days left in Kuching that exerts the melancholic feeling, or just because i felt like a loser and there's nothing i can do about it.

Like it said, when there are pros, there will naturally be cons. Maybe it's just how you put it. A Couple of weeks ago i felt like a winner. It's like i've won the biggest prize in the world, regardless of anything else that really matters. Today is like a piece of shitty drawing i drew when i was a-year old. The feeling is just like going out to the final, thinking that you'll win the tournament but somehow being sucker-punched by the team you least expected would win.

I don't know. I felt like a loser and i cant lift myself up right now. My spirit and enthusiasm seems shattered. It's like i'm asphyxiating yet i don't care and just let myself drown. It seems useless to try to do something about it most of the time because no matter how hard you wanna help, you just cant. You just can't do anything about it. This is the thing that kills me the most, learning that you're just a spectator when something happens. It's like you're not good for it or simply useless in every context. Just shoot me. Please. God help me.

Dejected over France's loss against Italy? No shit. Think again.
I need halcyon. Go away.

Life is...

2006-07-11T03:09:00.000+08:00

some people really see life as something per se or particularly something you only can know years later, uh.. maybe when you're old or you've been through alot. It doesn't really matters really. It depends on how you define it. Maybe everyone is entitled to their opinion and shit, but life isn't just defineable from what you have been through. You can define it from what you've been through, going through or even you're not living a life of your own.

Okay, you must be thinking what the fuck am i talking about and hope i drop dead or get run over by an 18-wheeler. The thing is some people see life as something that they have gone through, via experiences, hardship, et cetera. some people just blindly label life base on what they're going through, for instance Their Life suck because they failed something, e.g. in relationship, studies, or just simply they're bored. For some others, probably they don't live in a life of their own. Maybe they just have multiple personalties for example, or simply the meaning living in a life not their own loosely means they don't have a life.

I think it's just sad that sometimes some people have opinions of their own and they are trying to propagate it to be something they think that's larger than life. I mean it's good to be outspoken and shit, or blatantly alter someone's initial thoughts to conform to their own radical way of perception. sometimes it's just wrong. I have my own opinions too, but i don't try to start a conformity revolution to deviate the way people think to my own. However, sometimes you just have to conform to the situations because of some unforseen circumstances.

Quote life they way you want and the way you feel about it because you're the one that's living in it, not some stupid jack-off that thinks otherwise. You don't need to be a philosopher to quote life. It's the way you live it that's the most important.

My life is about me and her. I'm not amorous but i'll be a great lover now and in future.

p/s: shit i need to change to a new blog address very soon. =p. It's not because you baby. Hehe...

How well do you measure?

2006-07-10T02:52:00.000+08:00

I have been experiencing Long-distance relationship over the past year that clearly weren't anywhere near success. I don't know, but the faulty problem that lies beneath something measureable as a relationship was clearly me. Commitment was something i thought can be traded in for the lack of feeling which fades day after day in the relationship. Perseverance was the thing i thought i can use as a guideline to at least bring me till the long term spell of LDR ends. sacrifice was something i thought i could surrogate over the lack of communications and understanding between me and her. somehow, it never seems to justify my intentions and in the end i gave in because clearly it wasn't something i was meant for.

I promised myself to keep away from relationship for some time because clearly i've made a mistake by doing so. It's like an abstinence from any particular relationship because i didn't ant to make any mistakes anymore. I had too many in life and i know somehow, someday, God will need me to repay it, regardless of what it might be.

Like she said, enjoy the present while it last. I really wish time can stop now and everything goes into static. I'm really scared to face the future in some ways because i realised nothing really matters anymore. Future? I also want to paint a nice potrait of my future, but sadly the fact is you cant even though you want to. Honestly, these past few days, or rather week has been tumultuous, been having nightmares, which of course i didnt shit in my pants if that's what you O-sucker is thinking..

I don't know. I just never felt anything like this before. I really wish if i need to repay my wrongdoings, please do not be this, which i would gladly substitute it with anything else..

Redundant shit

2006-07-09T04:07:00.000+08:00

Pssssst... Tell you a secret........
I'm crazy.

I think i'm crazy.

I feel that i'm crazy.

I believe i'm crazy.
Crazy

crazy
crazy
crazily
crazily
crazily crazily
In love.
I still love soccer too.
I go knock my head against the wall for a while. I suspect i'm hallucinating because, fuck.. it feels so good......... never felt anything that good. It's like marlboro lights-menthol (with filter of course) with a can of cold beer. OOOOOOOoooooopz. Hehe, sorry baby. Kinda slipped off my mouth. I promise i wont let *cough* Owen *cough* influence me again.. Bad influence.

seriously. It's snowballing everyday. Hope the snowball rolls into a blackhole and keep rolling.. Okay, very lame metaphor. stop laughing Owen, dammit you biatch. Pull your panties up your head.

Everything doesn't really matter anymore

2006-07-09T02:40:00.000+08:00

I would just like to issue a warning beforehand because for the next few years (if i still blog), it will be a damn cliche blog because the topics MIGHT all be the same that you might go ga-ga, get goosebump, gag or even curse me.

Most people knew that i have a desire to remain single my whole life regardless of whom i might end up with. This topic has always been something that baffles friends, family and people in my network. I don't know why i've always had that kind of thinking. was it because i wanna remain single just to enjoy my single life? Am i too afraid to commit to a relationship and bring it all the way home? Or just plainly because of the idea of marriage scares the shit out of me?

During my earlier days, I don't believe in marriage as a bonding of 2 humans destined to spend the entire life staring at each other end-to-end from day till night. Of course as a christian, co-habitation is something you don't do because it goes against the sacred definition of matrimony. Yet, matrimony used to give me nightmares. so kind of a dilemma.. Moving in, or get married? In the end, i chose to go against my faith to go for the former because the idea of getting married is just not my cup of tea.

On top of marriage, i didnt believe in Love. Love to me is either by-to friends, towards family, nothing else. why? To me love sucked. Love was about deceit, manipulation, backstabbing, laughing-stock and experimental. I used to thought to myself, why? why do i conform to something so suppressive yet obligatory. It's like i was a suicide-bomber awaiting detonation or Kamikaze for the glory of Japan and the emperor by suicide pilots in a war or shits like that. Eventhough you're not gonna make it back, yet you still wanna do it because the love for the country and shits..

I dont know what should i feel after that. Give in? Conform? Nah.. Everyone has their limits. sometimes there are things that make you feel good but make you feel shitty at the same time. It's like you have to endure your own stench while taking a dump (constipation in particular), tore your anus, bleed, but at the same time it feels good to get rid of the clog that has been there for as if ages. (forgive the pun)

Just like how you describe Love. It feels good, but at the same time it can hurt you badly. I haven't felt that for quite sometime already. Feeling it quite recently; even though it hurts alot, it kept me thinking about the future which i don't really give a shit, really, in the past. Marriage was just another issue you don't talk to the vic-meister. I might just shove it right back at your face. However, something really peculiar happened over the past couple of weeks. I'm head over heels, thinking of marriage and shits and *whisper* even kids sometimes*whisper*. (It's not gay okay Owen, dammit don't even think of pedophile - that word.) Maybe i think too far, but i dont know. Like Josh said, maybe i've matured? Or just because it's simply love?

My Love definition has definitely changed. My perception towards something i used to hate has been wiped off. The things that were highly critical to me has become something i no longer care about because i can feel myself changing for the better. I'm feeling rejuvenated.

I'm a better person when i'm with you.

tranquility and solace of virtue

2006-07-07T04:07:00.000+08:00

sometimes there are things that will make you realise nothing else matters anymore around. Of course in a matured and technical way of seeing it, it's really unimpeccably stable and assuring. However, how do you measure a feeling with success in life? You just cant. You just have to compromise to both and assimilate it to call it happiness. what is success, wealth, status when you lose something much more important than that in life? sometimes you just have to cogitate about it before making that decision that could be the decisive or turning point that could either complements or just blatantly ruin your life. Bear in mind this 4 words = Perseverance, Elucidation, Gratitude, Malice. They are the bane essence that could ruin something you call a relationship because what you only need is that word. sometimes it might hurt so badly, but at the same time it soothes and relieves your problems, like an opium in life. Not that ol' skool opium if that's what you're thinking of you damn lame shit owen. It's like when you finally found it, you never wanna let it go. Just like a bong meets a pack of marijuana weed for instance...

YAY!

2006-06-28T01:51:00.000+08:00

Head over heels. I wonder why. I must be crazy because i was supposed to be mourning the elimination of the Dutch squad, but i'm still feeling psyched about this. No shit

Too much to ask?

2006-06-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

Maybe it's kind of an insult slapped on the face by certain people to know that there are certain profound things led conspicuously beyond their knowledge. when they finally knew about it, it's like being sucker-punched right on the face, or an uppercut right beneath the jaw.

whether it's a nightmare or not, what is his worth in your heart? Really.

World cup yik yak yak

2006-06-21T02:02:00.000+08:00

My shockingly new favorite team for the world cup despite their omission from the World cup recently: Ivory Coast.
Of course Ghana had been great too and it would be a thrill to see them go through to the last 16 because they deserved it. But it would be too bad if either one of Italy or Czech Republic had to be knock out of the competition because they are the heavyweights of European football, if not the world.
It's the same as seeing Netherlands and Argentina going to the round of 16, omitting Ivory coast along the way.
Sigh, who the fuck created all this group of death shits and seedings. Top Seeded teams will be forever protected by their seeds because they will always meet lowly capable teams and thrash them 6-0 (think Argentina) and remain on the top. Maybe a few will rise if their lucky, like Germany's group of lowly seeded teams which consist of teams like Ecuador, Poland and Costa Rica. Arguably the easiest group in the world cup, if not Spain's group, considering Ukraine as a debutant and a mediocre team in Europe.
However, any given day any teams can lose their asses, but Netherlands must rose to the occasion this Wednesday and step up to the plate to steal 3points from the Argentina game so that they wont meet Portugal (most likely to top group D) because Euro2004 was a bad memory which would probably reoccur.
GO ORANJE!!

Bad Ending

2006-06-16T14:11:00.000+08:00

Last night we played Futsal at Winner court. Initially it was okay, since we played a three-team, 2-goal elimination match to keep teams rotating around, with victors stay. My team which consist of Owen, myself, owen's bro- Norman, Pink Hua, and James, had to forfeit the game due to the heavy injury sustained by Owen during the 10th minute when he fractured his ankle after failing to control a quick pass from me, which thus causing him to fall, ankle-knee first.

He broke his ankle, which subsequently we lost 2-0 and got eliminated right away. Norman and Owen left the scene after the defeat to administer Owen's broken ankle, which has been confirmed he broke the membrane and will be X-ray today. Therefore, the 5-a-side inevitably became a rotation of various players from other teams to make up for the void left by Owen and Norman. Games were played, goals were scored.

During the final 45 minutes, we've decided that we can probably play 6 versus 6, with one player benched to substitute for another player during intervals, which the game ended 5-3 our way. Not a very fast paced game and also a very low-scoring chart, but we did enjoyed it until something bad happened. A friend of Kai Swee's phone were stollen right below our noses and with a friend's girlfriend sitting nearby. Of course, Kai Swee's wallet was stollen too. At first they thought they had misplaced it, so they went to look for it in the car and all over the place, every nook and cranny. In the end, after reversing the CCTV monitoring system, we found out that indeed a Malay youth had stollen it and headed for the exit right after. We knew there was nothing can be done already because eventhough we have the urge to make a police investigation, but would it work?

The Malaysia Police Force has the worst credentials i have ever seen. Their "credibility" goes to their hardwork in Corruption, Bribery, and misuse of power e.g. Coercion on civilians. Even if we have proof on the CCTV recordings, we still couldn't nab the son-of-a-bitch because the useless police force, PDRM. Ineffiecient, Inadequate and Incoherent. Best 3-I's to sum them up.

So, if you managed to nab the thief yourself, break their legs and their fingers. Remember, don't kill him because you'll be charged with manslaughter or even worse, murder. Then, bring him to the Police station. At least you got him pay for the things he cant make up for in prison. What's the most he will be convicted anyway? At most 2 years of jail, or Juvenile prison. Let him learn his lesson so that he will not steal again. Begging is better than stealing. At least when lose his limbs, he will not steal again right? Damn right. You know i'm right.

sucker post

2006-06-16T14:02:00.000+08:00

The best escape of the world cup
ENGLAND

'nuf said

Random shite

2006-06-07T04:06:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been busy and shits before this and now torturing myself mentally in Kuching over nothing, because nothing is the best word to label a near 2 months stay here. I think a post-exam trauma has given me quite alot of things to worry about over the past couple of weeks. Did i pass all my papers? Can i get good grades for all of my papers? Well, we'll wait and see. At least let me go through 2 months of solace without needing to worry about anything.

Dammit

2006-05-18T08:16:00.000+08:00

THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! Eventhough i'm a big fan of players like Ronaldinho, Henrik Larsson, and Samuel Eto'o, but this was not the night that Barca should lift the trophy. Arsenal were supposed to bring that trophy back to England again, but Jens Lehmann's heroic move to deny Samuel Eto'o's first goal proved to be the massive turning point when he was sent off. Yeah, of course Sol Campbell's great header left Victor Valdes statuesque, which i prayed to be the sole goal scored in the match, turned into the motivating goal which gave Barca the rage to seal the win with tho damn late goals, and also that goal left Arsenal content and didnt give enough compared to the first half which in the first 3 minutes already Henry was giving Valdes lots of problems in front of goal. Raining summore!! Now not only my spirit is crushed, my wallet is going to be a few centimetres slimmer because i have lost the bet. Like what they said, Never bet on your favorite team because you support them. Bet on the hot-favorite team that is going to win. Nevermind, i hope Thierry Henry will have this mindset that he has not win a Champions League with Arsenal, but eventhough Barca are trying to poach him away from Arsenal, he still won't win Champions League there because it is very unlikely for lighting to strike twice because eventhough they are clearly hot favorites, but sometimes underdogs might kick them out of the game as well. So let's pray Henry will stay at Highbury, uh.. no no, The Emirates Stadium next season. For Score Keepers, It's Spain 2, England 0. Hope in the world cup it wont be a hat-trick for both Spain and England.

How to De-stress

2006-05-06T01:20:00.000+08:00

Evolution is a really cool thing to learn, whether it's in Natural science or social science. It's quite a peculiar thing that how people can come up with the term "Stress" in this modern day that it was formerly known as "Anxiety", of course in which the word anxiety still does exist and has not yet gone obsolete, just upgraded to a more severe level.

Of course a person like me don't really have stress because i don't really give a hoot about anything. The best thing yet, i exercise alot. Exercise is the best way to de-stress, which i don't know how to put it into words when i don't really have stress. Watching TV and doing shits on computer doesn't really de-stress because it increases tensions to your eyes and brain. Sports is something you don't really need to use your brain, so that's why it releases the tensions in your brain.

I'm not asking you to turn into a jock or something, but sports is the best way to de-stress. That's why people love to go to the gym, yoga, et cetera. Why? Because you can use less of your brain and release tension through perspiration.

I'm feeling abit light headed now. Too much sports. I'm probably turning into a jock myself.

We should all start swimming

2006-04-29T01:30:00.000+08:00

It's weird that i find swimming quite interesting lately. Why weird? Probably because i used to swim during primary school and i didnt really have much interest towards that sports, same thing goes to jogging which i find really enjoyable and fun. Well, of course that depends on the way you see it.

If you're just someone that thinks running is just something like running on a treadmill for 15 minutes then you're very wrong. Running can be defined very differently, of course that depends on the course and terrains you prefer. Running on tracks, or olympic-size running tracks can be boring and monotonous, but at the same time it can prevent you from sustaining injuries because of the flat and spongy track covered with rubber that absorbs pressure from every steps you make. Running on an all-terrain route or course can easily tear your muscles and easily injure you legs and joints. Of course that possibility can be minimised if you do substantial warm-ups and know your game.

Running and swimming is an extremely strenuous exercise but it helps burn freaking lots of calories. For instance, most of the time i would complete between 10-15 rounds of jogs, between 20-30minutes time. After you're done, you would probably be as wet as if you were damped under the rain. Swimming is more relaxing though. Most of the time i would probably do between 30-40 laps, excluding warm-up laps, which accumulates to an excellent 1500m-2000m in a matter of less than 50minutes tops. If you're not a big fan of sweaty sports, probably swimming is the best sport for you because you wont be drenched in your own smelly sweat once you're done and it's more cooling since you don't perspire. I've always had allergy reactions towards my own sweat also probably because i have sensitive skin, so swimming is definitely something i prefer over running nowdays, since it has always been raining and i didn't really have the time to wake up early in the morning to run because of school.

Swimming is an all-rounded sport. I wouldn't say i'm good at it since i can only accomplish 30-40 laps in a not-so record time of 50minutes, non-stop. That's probably even longer than what an under-16 mediocre competitive swimmer needs to accomplish that feat.

Maybe one day i should bring those guys that can't swim and force them to swim like what i saw at the swimming pool this evening. A swimming instructor, asked pre-pubescents to wear their pyjamas while swimming. That's one funny sight, but of course there's logic behind that method. So, people like James, Richard, and Kai Swee are the main targets. Go swim.. Josh, i doubt you need it right? Haha. Or probably i should force Shirley into swimming suits, or even better.. Bikini. HAHAHA. It'll probably turn out to be like Dark Water. Don't get the wrong notions though. That doesn't mean i'm saying you'll look like Jennifer Connelly.

Women and intelligence

2006-04-22T00:15:00.000+08:00

Sometimes there are things in life you shouldn't wish too much for. For instance, wish to have a PERFECT woman as a girlfriend. An ideal or perfect woman is someone who has it all. The brain, the looks, the hot-factor, the things that make anyone any gender go ga-ga about. This is the biggest mistake if you really wish for it. When women have everything, it tend to have everything good, of course sometimes the bane couldn't escape either.

That's why there are times men are really stupid. They included "Intelligent" or "Sophisticated" or "Articulate" in their list of their perfect woman. That, i can assure them that they're in for great fun. So, eat your heart out. Please don't get me wrong. Intelligence to a woman is a bonus. I won't say it's an insult if your spouse or partner has an IQ higher than you, but it means the end of Patriachy for you because intelligent women seem to know alot and tend to be bossy. No dinner for you tonight. You sleep in the study tonight. You this and that, and yada yada yada. But when it's time for you to voice out your desire, "Honey, can i go watch the game at my friend's house tonight?", No. "Honey, can i use the car tonight?", No. "Honey, can i die right here, right now?", No. Because your blood will smear my carpet and couch. ( !!!! )

Of course i embellished and it's fiction. But seriously, this really happened in real life. If anyone of you is controlled by your woman, go ram yourself against the wall. I think self-inflicted pain is much more soothing than to hear someone nag all day long. But of course you don't need intelligence to nag though..

How bout I love you, but Let's Just be friends forever

2006-04-21T11:07:00.000+08:00

Josh, This aint a counter of your chicks before dicks, nor bros before Hos, nor mates before dates. This is just something someone would try to contemplate before making any decision. Probably you would say it's the sanest thing i have done since i was born, or something which doesnt make sense to most people that it made a hell lot of sense to myself.

What's your version of the love script when you tell that someone that you like her? Maybe the best thing to say is you wanna date her, ask her to go steady with you, asked her whether she felt the same way too, or just come clean with her about your feelings? Well, not everyone would have the guts to do so, definitely not me if i'm very serious about that person. Just an example of course.

For someone that just known each other, probably they would start of by saying, "Hey, i'm really fond of you, let's be friends.." Then shit happens. Or maybe preferably someone who has already been friends for ages would go with this line "Actually, among all the girl friends i know, i cared for you the most..." and bullshits like that. Words are just words. Talks are just talks. How many can actually proved that they're more than just talk? Seriously, neither could i.

Relationships are not merely structured by mutual trust and commitment. Even if you're ready to commit, but are you ready to commit for whatever that's going to happen in future? We can't tell what's going to happen in even near future, let alone commit to a long-term "deal". Maybe if you do commit to it, would the feelings still be there or turned bland, just driven by your sense of consciousness towards the perseverance to hold the relationship intact?

Seriously, liking someone and going into a relationship with someone are two very very different things. You could probably like her for 10years, but you could not even hold the relationship in place for 10 months. Sometimes loving someone is not enough. If both ends contradicts against each other, even if you're romeo and juliet, shit will happen. Compromising each other could probably be the best thing to do, but how many people could even tolerate? Nowadays everyone wants to win. Whether it's a verbal contest, or a psychological battle. Like they say, even you're Siddartha Gautama also you couldn't stand her if she's a nagging Bitch.

However, sometimes guys find women attractive by their bitchiness. But seriously. How many would prefer a bitch over a bimbo. Of course Bitch would be more fun to hang out with at times, but could probably humiliate you at the same time in front of your friends or in front of her friends. Bimbos are just bimbos. You don't have anything much to say about them because they're boring and you probably don't know much about them. This is the problem. Men like women to be simple. Actually i don't, but that doesn't make me a sissy or not a man.

By starting a relationship, probably it's not the smartest thing to do when you're much of a fickle like me. It's like digging your own grave, standing at the edge, waiting for that someone to give you the slightest prod. Like i said, you could probably like that someone for 10 years, but you couldn't go into a relationship even for 10 months. I think probably that saying suits me the most. Probably the best sentence to be uttered by me to a girl is "I love you, but let's just be friends forever shall we?". Saying this could probably be provocative, or could probably be a relief to girls if they're rational enough to understand your intentions.

Sometimes i'm really tired of the fact that guys have to be the ones who make the first move. To decipher a woman's thoughts is harder than to open the encrypted text of Da Vinci Code. To top things up, sometimes they don't even insinuate anything, whether it's acceptance or rejection. This just suck. That's why it's best to go on a match-making session. At least you understand the intentions of the woman you're matchmade with. They don't go there to have tea with you and to laugh at the stupid jokes you make, right?

So probably the best thing to do is to just say it out, and get over with it. Sometimes making decisions are really tough and tiring. I admit, I hate making decisions, especially the decisions that could play a major role in my own life and most importantly in others' lives. Why not let women make those decisions from now on? They like it, they say yes. If they don't, then it's just too bad. Then we'll just turn another page.

The best thing in life is having great friends and having great friends is better than having a relationship. Even Ronaldo with the fissure between his teeth once said, "Scoring Goals are better than having mind-blowing sex." To be honest i don't really believe that too since he already forgo so many scoring chances. Probably he's having mind blowing sex after all.. Certainly i have not felt that way about any relationships until now because the strongest thing i have in my life is friendship. Relationship is still a supplementary in my life because it could be short term, but having friends around is a perpetual thing. So which would you prefer?

Just a bunch of fuckers that need to be booted out

2006-04-17T14:32:00.000+08:00

Just a short note from the previous post...

Sometimes to forgive someone it's not really hard. Of course i don't mean anyone, but me myself. You just have to reach out and be more magnanimous, that's all. Look at things on a different perspective and try to understand why they did that kind of things to offend (or undeliberately offended you). It's easy to forgive someone. Well, But there are just some people i couldn't manage to forgive eventhough i've always told myself that i shouldn't be so petty about it and try to lose that thought of getting even with that person someday. Well, of course i wont get even with them by doing nasty things to them, maybe just stop talking to them or just disregard them as a friend.

It's just weird. Some people they don't even try to apologise or admit their mistakes. I mean i do admit my mistakes, apologised and i did it sincerely, not just put up a fake mask to do it. Some people don't even know their mistakes, don't know why people are mad at them, don't even try to find out what the shit they ever did and just let it go like a kite blown away by the wind. What an audacity. This sucks. So if you even wonder why someone stops talking to you eventhough you were ONCE his/her best friend, maybe you should try to find out yourself, do the right thing and stop pretending nothing has ever happened. The chances of him/her forgiving you is probably still out there if you try, but if you're being stubborn and believe that you have done nothing wrong in the past then probably that's just another way of saying that you're an asshole with full of shit. I'm very outspoken, and i wont hold it if i know i'm right, or i think i'm right. If you're just another shit with nothing better to do, or too many friends at your "disposal", probably you can dispose one of me for a change. Fuck you. Everyone knows i'm a very vindictive but forgiving at the same time. If you apologise to me, i would've act like nothing has ever happened before. If you're someone that doesn't speak up for himself/herself, and required some other friends to plead guilty for you, then go to hell. I guess you have too many friends and one friend lesser is like giving 10cents to a beggar. Nothing much to lose. Fuck you.

How things come, and end at the same time

2006-04-17T13:18:00.000+08:00

Sometimes wrapping things up might cost you alot more than leaving it wide open. There are things that should be left unsolved, but the consequences are utterly messy.

You see, sometimes given a Lifeline by two inexplicable circumstances, what would you do about it? The first, a pending emotional mess which couldn't be demystified, nor solved. The other, a desperate and relent maneouvre, which your decision is the call to the crumble, or the wow-factor.

As Crazy as it seems, sometimes there are lots of things we couldn't decipher in life. I'm not being philosophical here by saying all this shit, but to risk losing both, wasn't it better to make a major decision? Well, that's what i thought in the first place before i realised the very next second that the result proves fatal.

To yield someone's obstinateness towards forgiving you is the hardest part. Eventhough sometimes it seems that it had finally happened; which the person admit it in person, but there are always residuals of the vindication to protect themselves from being wrong-footed by others again. Of course, deceive is a big word to be labeled, but what can you do if somethings are meant to be that way for the rest of your life? Is this the so-called forgiveness?

I know, sometimes there are blunders that once been done, you can't expect much of other better things to follow after anymore. Once a very good chance has been squandered before, there will hardly be a second chance anymore. I believe in this too. That's why i can only live my life to repent the mistakes i've did, and just remember not to make haste decisions anymore. Sometimes using your heart to make vital decisions is much clearer than using your head. This time, my head screwed me, Big Time.

Forgiving someone verbally is just a facade. How i wish things to be less complicated. Probably i can just say that we weren't on the same track at that time, neither would any of us tried to loosen the strings to confession. Maybe my fear was to lose another buddy in the end, like what happened before that. Yes, it's a very hard thing to fathom and sometimes people just think that i'm blatantly a superfluous-fickle. I admit. Fickle is my nature. This is not a no-holds-barred 'fess up story either, but rather something i'm not afraid to admit since i've already been labeled that way. Skirt-chasing, womanizing, anything in the same particular category never fails to fall into my path. This is one of the negative characteristics often being checked off from the list of possible bachelors by any rational women. Who doesn't want a steady or secured boat anyway?

So probably my time has ended. Maybe it's the right thing to do afterall? Or maybe it's "merely" Karma. The things you really craved for always fall short. Nevermind. At least my cravings for laksa and kolo mee won't fall short this coming holidays. =p

Sucks

2006-04-14T10:15:00.000+08:00

Recently i have been promoting Kuching to everyone, which i don't normally do. I don't know.. Probably i'm homesick. I missed the food, missed my friends, and maybe just the place itself. Maybe life here has not been as good as i thought it would turn out to be, or rather awful.

I don't know. Environment plays an important part to one's adaption. Maybe it's the lack of friendship and social life which i'm already used to in Kuching, which made a really big turn when i came over. Suddenly from an extrovert lifestyle, became a sociopathic freak that i used to teased. Maybe like people said, It's karma. The things you do, What goes around, comes around. I used to make fun of my own brother for being an introvert. He doesn't make friends, and doesn't socialise. All he ever do was paint, draw, eat, sleep, and do computer stuffs. You know, what most computer geeks might probably do all day.

As some choices i make are sometimes haste and stupid. I still remember what my uncle said. "Why can go Unimas don't wanna go? Local Uni better than go abroad." However, i still don't think i've made a wrong decision by coming here. Maybe by doing so, i learnt to respect people more, see things differently, not being the arrogant prick i used to be, and share the deprived status of a freak. I have friends, but friends i don't hang out with. Friends i don't SMS with. Friends i don't talk to. Friends i don't look up and mutually for everyone of them.

I used to take alot of things for granted. The times i spent with my buddies was terrific, and sometimes it sends chill down my spine with the nostalgic feeling. I tend to think of this all the time. Reminisce all the good days which i'm now deprived off. Soccer, hanging out with buddies, watching soccer at 3rd miles kopitiam, wasting time, playing Winning Eleven on Ps2, et cetera.

Shit. Sometimes life does suck.

WORLD'S LARGEST GANG-BANG

2006-04-08T09:26:00.000+08:00

If Annabelle Chong held the World Record for the largest gang-bang in history for getting banged by over 200 men (which became obsolete after some Caucassian proved to have more stamina than her, who was banged by over 500 men - A whopping Two Times the men involved), This gotta be the First ever gang bang i witnessed myself in public, with the watchful eyes of many pedestrians.

THis is Totally Gross. Try to count the number of Snails on top of each and everyone of it. I couldn't even differentiate male and female. Actually there was more at the side but sometimes "good things" are best to be left unseen.

Don't go out if the money ain't meant for it.

2006-04-05T20:12:00.001+08:00

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I've read 4 books in 2 weeks time. This is definitely something i wouldn't achieve a few months back because i'm the lazy type of person that doesnt have the drive to finish a book within a week, which i could but just blatantly lazy.

Well, probably i was just bored, or realised that books are definitely your best friend when you're deprived off essentials like Internet connection, Cable TV, computers and shits like that (essential for me). Going out would probably cost alot, which was what i had been doing too and i saw my monthly allowance reduced to a very very horific amount. I couldn't imagine going through the month with a couple of hundred bucks left and i still have a pending phone bill which would be arriving sometime soon. My previous month's phone bill, i can predict wouldn't be pretty either because i frequently SMS overseas and have reached around 300SMSs, which are $0.15 per sms, excluding the absurb charges for the monthly rental.

Does anyone have a gun? Shoot me please?! It's only the 5th day into April which isn't really funny since during April's fool i fooled a few people successfully and now is the time i'm gonna get not only an earful from my parents for splurging away my allowance (if they find out), but also laughed by friends whom i fooled because it's Karma. This is hard to digest especially when you're bound to be debt-ridden and munching on crackers and drinking only water for another 25 days. Send me to a remote place please. I need to live like survivors..

Even if i managed to survive this 25days on shoestring allowance which are left, i doubt i would live. I probably die of hunger or malnutrition.

I'm so screwed right now.

Weird

2006-03-28T16:47:00.000+08:00

Things have been kinda weird lately. I have friends telling me they dreamt of me involved in accidents, got slaughtered, and something bad happened to me. I'm not really sure they dreamt of it simultaneously or what, but i'm pretty sure that it happened in a single week.

Well of course i've been receiving SMSs from Kuching friends which doesn't SMS me anymore, which is even weirder. Well, probably sometimes people just wanna comfort you when they heard that you had gone through something really bad recently, or something like that. Well of course sometimes we should appreciate the good intentions too. Anyway, Thank you for asking.

Some people need to shut up

2006-03-20T15:24:00.000+08:00

I know this isn't the right time to contradict any religion issue especially lots of stuffs that has been going on, particularly on clash of religions. However, before you raise your eyebrows and being judgemental about this, think thoroughly and not to speak from your own side, or perspective but to see it as a bigger picture. It is just unfathomable, why people like to bring religion into everything - From Football to Politics.

Note: This is not a post on racism and i'm not a Bigot. Just to make a point on some stupid comment. Here's an excerpt of the message i got from my previous post:

Actually I find man and woman kissing disgusting. Especially in public. Thank God in an Islamic country like ours, there are laws against that and holding hands too. Alhamdullilah.

You should thank God you were born in an Islamic country like Malaysian. Insyaallah, you shall be a muslim one day. We shall together pray for that.

Posted by Anonymous | 5:19 PM

This stupid zealot is a fucking moron. I wasn't even talking about religion in my previous post and he spouted fucking nonsense about Kissing in public and Islamic Country. What does it got to do with Islamic country for Christ's Sake. I doubt he/she is a Malaysian because i didn't know any law that refrain couples (of any religion, race) of holding hands. Maybe he/she would even tell me he/she have sex just to continue the bloodline of the family, not for pleasure, to fulfill their needs or any specific purposes.

Grow up. Or, Grow a brain. Sex has nothing to do with religion. Well, of course pre-marital sex is sinful and monks practise celibacy to prevent themselves to be controlled by lust. However, if some couples are destined to be together, get married, and so on and so forth, i don't see there's any problems with kissing in public, of course not in a hot-sweaty-sex-bound-kiss. Couples, companions can kiss in public. That's just some way of showing their feelings for each other (you know, the love you every second, every minute kinda love, which i don't believe in). If some people are strictly religion-barren conservative type of people, they could just turn a blind eye. It's useless to preach to others when your own people are doing it. I don't see any point of this issue to be mortified with.

I'm not trying to single out any particular race, religion or anything. Just that sometimes some religious activists are too fanatic and extreme. I only feel that men kissing are grotesque. So here's the thing. Don't like to see, just don't see. There are no law that states kissing in public is a criminal offense, of course i'm saying this because i have not read law and ignorant, which i am aware of. We're not in Indonesia, or India, or The Middle-East. I'm not condoning the fact that it's an offensive act to other races, but Muslim country? Pl-ea-se. We're a multi-racial society. Not everything has to be based on the fact that muslim is the national religion. If that is so, pork has already been baned, and no more stray dogs are on the streets already. You don't have to agree with me because it's only my thought.

No malice in this post. I still stand firm with the french for this, eventhough they're having problems with the protests and shits nowadays.

This is totally irrelevant with my previous post. Therefore, ANynONyMous. Shut Up. One is One, Two is Two. Gay is Gay. Kissing in Public, is Kissing in Public. It's like Kitten is a cat's baby. Puppy is a Dog's baby. Kitty and Puppy eats Whiskas. That doesn't make them related. Get It?

The Reason Behind The Mounting Rate of Celibacy

2006-03-15T14:23:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i shudder just thinking about two gay men kissing and groping each other like there's anything to grope at (unless you mean guys have chest-breast too). The thought of two sexy hot lesbians kissing is kinda hot, but two men kissing is kinda gross.

In Singapore, there are lots and lots of good looking men turning into gays. Why? Women start practising celibacy? No. Women and their greed. You see, it's okay for women to be unsuccessful, yet they still can live happily ever after as long as they managed to find themselves a man that is willing to "own" them and pay for their expenses, eg. Shopping bills, et cetera. I use the word "Own"loosely here because clearly when the man owns the woman, that means they have to pay for all their expenses and shits like that. Bald, Old, Ugly is not the X-factor. Money is. That's why Money talks. You're rich, you can lure any woman to marry you. Of course this allegation is not directed to all women. No offense to female readers who are agitated.

Why nowadays men opted for homosexuality? Well, now i do understand after i've watched Brokeback Mountain, eventhough the movie made me drowsy and it was really cheesy between scenes. This might sound a little silly but they don't have a choice. They were desperate and Had to Have sex. You see, Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal were straight and musculine man driven with high testosterones. What turned them into gays?

They were assigned to herd the sheeps on Brokeback mountain, which was Hundred miles away from the nearest town. They had to stay on the moutain for seasons and no women at sight. Jake Gyllenhaal was desperate and he had to bang, so he asked Heath Ledger to go into the tent and the following scene was unbeareable. Seriously. I don't enjoy watching gay porn.

The point is I really pity Singaporean men because if they don't possess the 5Cs, they're better off gay. However, not every gay man is a product of desperation. Some were perfectly naturally born that way. That is inevitable then.

Another factor is that Singaporean Women are busy going to bars to look at Caucassians because If they don't get a rich man, at least marry a caucassian. That is also the reason lesser and lesser Singaporean women are available and the mounting rate of so-called eligible bachelors. However, nowadays Singaporean men have another option already because i observed that more and more Singaporean men are dating Chinese nationals, Taiwanese, et cetera.

Can't Get a Singaporean made product? Why don't import?

Nokia 7250 sucks

2006-03-12T13:31:00.000+08:00

FUCK.

My Camera phone's lens cover just spoiled and i sent it over to the shop to be repaired, which could take a few days or maybe weeks to be done with since they are sending it over to Sony Ericsson. In the mean time, i have to live with the stupidest phone that i would have to use it before my phone is done. Nokia 7250, which is loaned by the shop of course.

This phone is really stupid. When it was released around the year 2003, it was one of the most expensive phone in the market. It cost around RM1300 for a phone that literally has nothing other than polyphonic ringtones - which is lame enough. It sounded like the phone rang in a tin can or something. Besides that, the pixels are terribly low, and the phone sucks big time. At that time, i remembered that i bought Sony Ericsson for almost the same price and the colors, pixels, camera and ringtones were much better than this shit.

What to do? I had to. It's not like i have a choice do I?

School Is the Best Place to...

2006-03-09T20:21:00.000+08:00

You know, there's no where else better than school.
School is where you get your knowledge.
School is where you get to know new friends.
School is where most things begin.
School is also the best place to....

SLEEP.

This is where this 2 asshole snored this morning while in the Library. Stupid Dick Snots

Things You Should Do

2006-03-07T10:12:00.000+08:00

It has been more than 2 weeks since the last time i blogged. Well, busy with stuffs, and of course without laptop or internet connection at my new residence.

I'm blogging in school now, not because i'm so hardworking studying for my exams, but my idiocy. Most of the time if there's any exam going on, i would come to school an hour earlier, but not today. I am extremely "enthusiast" that i came to school 5 hours earlier. I've always have the reputation of doing things at the 11th-hour.

Today i broke my own record because i didnt copy the exam timetable correctly, thanks to my frivolous attitude. The exam was supposed to start at 2pm, but i came at 9am. How thoughtful of me. However, i'm lucky that i came earlier instead of later because if i did the latter, i would've missed the exam and screwed up big time.

So the moral of the story, print your exam timetable instead of copying it because it could screw you up big time.

My body immune system crashed and i was sick for the past 4 days. This is the bad side of not being sick frequently, of course i mean once or twice a year. In my case it's once a year, tops. Once you're sick, all the sickness and viruses attacks your body once the immune system is down. Thus, all the shitty sickness like fever, sore throat, flu (luckily not bird-flu), running nose, headache, et cetera.

I feel like shit. This year things has not pick up well for me. It's like everything has been falling apart and things has not been going smoothly. Maybe it's just the beginning of the worse things which are yet to come.

Remorse?

2006-02-17T04:59:00.000+08:00

This is a question most people sometimes would ask themselves. "Will they regret their decision if they [insert action]?"...

I have this friend who used to tell me that she has never regretted any decisions that she has made because she believes that everything beyond the path are induced by God. It's not that i don't have faith in God or what because i'm a firm believer in firm religion like Christ. However, not everything is determined by God. Some decisions are not fate or destiny but our own doings and actions.

I wouldn't say i don't have any repentance in life because there were several major decisions which i screwed up in the past. Whether it's the lifestyle i chose, love, courtship, and importants decisions which are major factors that influenced and cost my future dearly, which i forgo for something worth nothing, worse shitty.

So why should we want to regret it if we chose to do so in the first place? Isn't that stupid enough? It's like you know the car will knock and kill you, yet you chose to jaywalk instead of taking the pedestrian crossing. There are no stupid questions in life, but stupid answers. A stupid question can be tackled, with a smart answer. But a smart answer could not be tackled by a stupid answer. In the end, just get a ZERO, moron.

Franz Ferdinand is the BEST

2006-02-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

I promised once a week of entry but then this is too good that i have to write it down because i just came back from the very exhilarating concert by Franz Ferdinand.

I don't know who you guys like. Oasis, Coldplay, Greenday, Fort Minor, bladah bladah bladah.
I like Franz Ferdinand to the bones. I arrived at the Indoor Stadium around 7pm with my sis, which wasn't a big fan of Franz Ferdinand but i made her to come because i've already bought the tickets and i have no date for the concert. It was Free Standing, therefore we went there earlier than we should. Luckily we got there an hour earlier because by the time we reached there, there was a long queue before us, leading to the Premier Entrance - For Free Standing.

We got in around 7.40pm. Alot of caucasians, namely Russian, English, Americans from International schools were there to see the concert. We somehow got ourselves a good spot, just around less than 10 metres away from the stage. We waited, and waited. A few times of false alarm; which was when suddenly a group of monkeys started to jeer, which made everyone started to cheer for the back stage crew - which was caucasian also. What the fuck, they just shouted blindly. Haha. I doubt they knew the four Franz Ferdinands - Alex, Nick, Bob and Paul. I think if ShaolinTiger went up stage too, they might think he was one of the band. Haha just kidding.

The concert officially started around 8.15pm. They played around 10-15 songs, namely Matinee, Take Me out, Walk Away, Auf Acshe, Do You Want To, Come on Home, Tell Her Tonight, This Fire, Bang Bang, and i couldn't remember the rest because i was too busy dancing or should say shaking my head off and taking pictures when i'm tired of jumping around. What an adrenaline rush. I was too high until i didnt realise my sis was swallowed by the crowd and being pushed to the back.

So i'll just sum up this with some pictures which i took with my camera phone. The digital camera failed to take good pictures, so i resorted for Camera phone instead =(.

Before Concert Starts.

There were a group of Party-poopers screaming like a bunch of monkeys and uncivilised shit-stains. They even sang the Maghrib prayer to make fun of Franz Ferdinand's crew. A disgrace to the Muslims because they were shouting "Allah Uh Akhbar" - something like that. Eventually they shut their pieholes when it got even crowded and packed. Probably they were afraid of getting a jab out of nowhere and don't know who to retaliate to.

The excitement Begins. Dance to the beat. Clubbing is not as good as this. Serious.

The music gets more vibrant, percussion getting faster, strums increases.

Nicholas McCarthy (left picture 1), Paul Thomson (far right picture 1), Alex Kapranos (picture 2), couldn't capture the bassist Robert Hardy, who was too faar away.

You have to see it to believe it. Franz Ferdinand are the best guitarist for a band, of course after omitting individuals like Santana and Malmsteen, et cetera.

You will agree with me someday. They are the modern day beetles.

Here's one of the video i picked randomly from the bunch i took on my phone, eventhough on the ticket stated that no video-recording allowed. HAHA. No shit.

This was the highlight of the night. Three Percussionist doing their thing. A great harmony of the percussion.

I seriously can't get enough of Franz Ferdinand after over a dozen of songs, one and three quarter of an hour later. I guess all the fans thought so too. Humans are insatiable beings. Demands are unlimited but the supply is scarce and not enough to give. Maybe next time can ask them to sing beetle's songs also.

About Franz Ferdinand, A break, and two Balls

2006-02-15T00:52:00.000+08:00

Eventhough yesterday was Valentines day, but i didnt do anything unusually extraordinary. Making myself happy comes first. So i went over to Wisma Atria, forked out $180 and got myself a pair of frontline tickets from SISTIC, just in front of the stage so that i can watch from the closest distance. Who?

My favorite Rock Band, Franz Ferdinand.

Cool. I'm just gonna scream my lungs out on that day.

YEAH. Take me out.

And one more thing. Will probably update once a week or something like that already. I'm moving tomorrow, so have a nice day people. Won't be blogging frequently anymore. Maybe that's a right thing to do too because i'm taking a hiatus. Maybe a long one.

Don't miss me Owen. I'll send you snail-mail from now onwards. Maybe attach some picture for you to ogle at, you ball-scratching ass booger.

Owen's Nuts

You promised me your left nut when you lose the bet. I'll just simply remind you how does your nuts will look like when you lost both bets, and balls. HAHA. Be prepared.

I'm not a Xiaxue Fan. Honest.

2006-02-14T02:01:00.000+08:00

uI saw something really weird on TV just now. I turned on the TV, watched Grey's Anatomy and when it finished i was about to head to bed when suddenly i accidently sat on the remote and it changed to Channel U. It was this talk show call Crossfire where every week they invite numerous celebrities to come to their show and discuss on a certain topic.

It got me intrigued when suddenly i saw a person that really look like Xiaxue. At first i wasn't sure it was Xiaxue because from the pictures which she always post on her blog, she has really pretty nose, but i thought it was someone that look so much a like. Without a doubt. It's her. Take a look.

Speaking of a truck-hit face, which she described on Rebecca Loos in her entry, i think she has a bison's nose. You know, chicken-buttock - Bison Nose. Well, I really can't imagine her describing someone that bad when she needs to see herself in the mirror first. Talk about narcissistic. Hoh!!

Real Cameras don't lie. Picture on the right also shows her bison nose.

Her own camera + great photoshopping skills = no more bison nose.

Anyway, great Photoshopping skills. I've never seen her in person before this, but seeing her on the TV wasn't a turn-on already. Really truck-hit nose. Maybe she's good in manipulating angles when taking photos, but then the camera is not always that fool-proof. It hit you where you don't see it coming, or take a suprise shot of your ugly side when you don't notice it.

Xiaxue was sucker-punched on her Maxim cover the other time, published by ShaolinTiger the other time, but has been removed because she demanded him to do so. By the way, i'm not a xiaxue fan, nor an enemy. I don't hold any grudges against her, just blog what i saw. As simple as that.. Xiaxue fans, don't bash me up.

If i have flat nose also i won't photoshop it eventhough i can. Why? Because IF once you've become a celebrity like Xiaxue, your picture won't be photoshop anymore by the media and your pictures will be taken spontaneously and be published. When your fans sees it on the paper, they probably would ask lots of questions. Why does she looks like a Hippo? Why her real look like that one? Everyone should be as brave as Joel-Rambotan (bigfuck), who doesn't need to hide under anything or photoshop his photos to make him look good.

Like this one for example

Well, uh.. sometimes he does photoshop abit

And he does hide under some stationeries sometimes..

Who's gonna care about photoshopping your perfect picture or your perfect nose anymore by then? Just be content with the way we look, that's most important.

Happy Valentines day

2006-02-12T13:18:00.000+08:00

A couple more days would be the day that all lovers are waiting for as the day they express their love for each other. Yeah, Valentines day.

Valentines day is commercial. It's a day where people earn more from selling flowers, gifts and dinner reservations. You can call it romantic, but i'd call it commercial. Why?

1) My girlfriend is not here with me
2) Valentines Day is just another day in the calender, which doesn't even have a holiday for it.

3) Roses are ridiculous. They last less than 3 days and they die.
4) Restaurants will dump their daily menus and create expensive lovers-set-menu-kinda bullshit just to earn more. Sides, what other choices do you have if all the restaurants in town does the same thing and the other restaurants are fully booked?
5) I don't dig romantic kind of bullshits. You want a flower, i'll give you flower. I'm never good with romance.
6) You can tell your partner/spouse you love them everyday or any other day. Why wait til at this day? Sides, dinner on other days are not as expensive on that particular day. Why not order pizza, stay in, cuddle on the couch while eating pizza, take-outs or DIY candlelight dinner, instead of hussle with the crowd at the Cinema and have to queue for your table.

It's bullshit.

Last year, i went to my girlfriend's house and cooked dinner for her. She said it was romantic, but i'd call it cheap, fast and wholesome. It's not cheapskate. It's just that by the time i finished work it was 10pm already and most places are closed already. Therefore, i had to resort for DIY. Hey, at least we spent our time together and we didnt have to wait for tables.

Sometimes I really wish she was here. At least we don't have to do Long Distance bullshit that is breaking our relationship apart. I need a girlfriend, not a girl at some other places that SMS and calls me sometimes. Be a little more realistic. How long would a relationship last if it's going to be like that for the next couple of years or even worse, never ending?

The Resemblance of American Idol, Malaysian Idol, Singapore Idol

2006-02-10T15:21:00.000+08:00

I've watched American Idol, Malaysian Idol but never once seen Singapore Idol on TV before. The time i came i was already informed that Taufik Batisah is the winner of Singapore Idol and he already has his very own CD at CD-rama, Sembawang Music, etc..

This past few weeks i have been watching American Idol where Randy, Paula and Simon would say "You're going to Hollywood!", or "Welcome to Hollywood" once the person auditioning for it gets at least 2 out of 3 votes.

The Idol contest is not only a chance of a lifetime to fulfill your dream to become a star, but it can also be fun, you can meet alot of people, see other places and the producers bear the expenses of your accomodations and food. Therefore, free stuffs on the go.

Is it really So? Therefore, i couldn't help but wonder. What's the excitement when someone is chosen for the next step for their quest to become the next Idol in their respective countries.

American Idol Judge: "Congratulations! You're Going to HOLLYWOOD"

It's a good thing since they came from all over the country and some might have not seen Hollywood before, so it's a great chance for them to experience it even though they might lose the first round of audition in Hollywood before the voting part gets under way. But hey, at least they get a free ticket to go to Hollywood right? Lodging and everything included. Could meet up with some stars or visit movie filming sites.

Malaysian Idol Judge: "Congratulations! You're going to KL"

For some Malaysians, it's great because they might not have left their respective hometowns before if they do not originate from KL. For instance if you're a Kuching Boy like me, the possibilities of seeing KL is lower since Sarawak and West Malaysia is separated by the South China Sea. Therefore, seeing KL for the first time since a gazillion years ago might be a thrill, since accomodation and expenses are included. Not a chance of a lifetime, but still could be fun.

Singapore Idol Judge: "You're going to uhh... Farrer Road?"

Owh, come on. Farrer Road not bad lah. Even though Singapore is not big enough, no states, no provinces, can't to go places but hey, at least it's Only a bus ride away. Near the place there's a great Hawker Centre at Adam Road. Good food. But after one day of audition, go home to same 'ol HDB flat, stare at the 4-piece wall. Okay lah i'm very bad here. Not everyone lives in HDB flats lah. Some live in condominium with 6-piece walls.

But at least 2 persons will get themselves a contract, and one will be crowned Singapore Idol too, right? Like Taufik.. At least 2 persons' dream will come true. The rest just have fun at Orchard road lor if you failed to impress the judges.. Not bad sia.

Which is weirder?

2006-02-09T13:30:00.000+08:00

I had this thought for quite sometime now since we chinese has specific names to adress our relatives. Sometimes even have ranks, numbers, positions if you're in a big family. So, i have this thought..

If my sis were to get married to her boyfriend, i should call her husband my "Jie fu" (brother-in-law in mandarin) right? But if coincidentally, my brother who is 2years younger than my sister, got married to my brother-in-law's younger sister, should my brother stand at the bride's side to call her own sis, sister-in-law or stand at his own side to call his sis, sister, and the other way round for the bride.

Or wait wait. Let's say i'm seeing my sister's boyfriend's youngest sister and eventually got married. However, my sister and her boyfriend didn't get married in the end. Should they be calling oneselves relatives? This is a havoc people don't really wanna be involved. Seriously, break-ups are hard enough already. In addition of Family dinners, gatherings, functions? When they see each other, a mayhem may blow up right on their friggin' faces. Therefore, Don't date someone who your siblings' spouse/partner/other-half is related to. If you somehow part your own ways someday, at least the chances of bumping into them are lower.

The same goes with, never date your close/best/good friend. Friendship would end up in jeopardy if the girl isn't that open about the post-relationship. The thing that spreads faster than disease is a woman's rumour. Who knows in a heart-beat you realised that you don't have any friends anymore. So, have someone watch your back for you before you do something really stupid like that. Maybe what you want is a fast fuck, but a girl has so many other thoughts it's like a Sudoko puzzle. The possibilities are endless.

You better hope the next girl you date is not someone's aunt. Worse yet, don't date a 22-year old who secretly has a 1-year old kid at home. If you do so, probably like most "Wu-xia" films (ancient fighting movies), which the mom will tell the child to avenge the loss of the father, etc. In this case, avenge the loss of her child's potential father too, since you only wanted her for a fast-fuck and not gonna marry her. So, don't be surprise when someday you're 60-something, sitting on your porch, rocking on the chair and suddenly someone came over with a sword thrusting your lungs. Die. Check if they have kids first before you start dating.

Has Courtesy became Obsolete?

2006-02-07T17:18:00.000+08:00

Well, i'm actually not a suitable person to talk about courtesy because from my entries, you know that i'm a very vulgar person. However, from my foul-mouth, i still know what is courtesy in real life. Courtesy is you thank someone when they do something nice for you. Courtesy is you apologise when you offended someone unintentionally or intentionally, which the latter proves unnecessary since you did it on purpose. I do bar myself from foul languages, except when i'm really angry, that's in real life of course. I don't hurl vulgar, let's say when someone accidently stepped on my foot. Though, if it's intentional then the person wont get just an earful of shit because i have very good reflexes, especially my fist.

Today, a mishap occured on me. I was in school revising for my upcoming exam when suddenly i had the urge to take a leak. Therefore i went to the toilet and unload. After washing and wiping my hand dry with the napkins, i threw it into the garbage can which was very close to the door. First attempt, failed because i tried a Lebron James. So i picked it up and did a close range dunk. When i lifted my head up and headed for the door, suddenly it opened and thumped me by the eyebrow. I was shoved to the side.

The guy who pushed the door so hard was a Middle-age Indian school janitor with a small frame. He looked at me as if nothing had happened. I glazed at him waiting for an apology while pressing my palm over my eyebrow to diffuse the blood from clogging. He silently walked towards the cubicle as if it's my own problem that the door strucked my face. My first instinct was to grab him by the collar, lift him up and threaten to punch him, but i didnt. I showed my virtue and composure, opened the door and left because he's just another lousy uneducated man who doesn't know the word courtesy.

Hey, eventhough I utter much nonsense and profanity, at least i have my limits sometimes and i do know what is courtesy in real life, sometimes on the net too. I say thank people when they did something for me, i also apologise straight away when i caused any troubles everyday. If i did what my instinct told me to, i'm nothing better than him.

But i still can scold him with my fucks, and assholes, and cock-suckers on my own blog right? At least i didnt do him any harm right? HAHA so here goes.. FUCK that stupid Janitor. Should've walked right up to the office and complained to the principal. Damn Fucker. Hope he stucked on the toilet bowl.

What a Bummer.

Unpredictables and Acceptance?

2006-02-06T03:42:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it's just weird. There are alot of unpredictable things in this world. For instance, striking a winning 4-digit, winning streaks in Mahjong, Having a diarrhea on your way to school on the bus, studying very hard but still screwed up in your exams, while some people got lucky and scored straight distinctions in their exams. I was neither.

Sometimes when you least expected, you'll get a shock from someone you have not heard in ages. Someone you used to date but never called back, someone you used to hung out with but eventually after high school never keep in touch with, or just someone you're not really familiar with or even hang out with during your school days.

Is the world really in need of more friends right now? Why can't we just settle for the things we have, instead of trying so hard to meet new people. How is it supposed to say that in some particular person's interest that they even categorised the phrase "meeting new people or making new friends". How are you supposed to do that?

Sometimes i'm intrigued to know how people do this? It's like somehow you just walk up to someone on the streets and whip out a handful of conversations and suddenly get to know them? Or is it some socialites that attend parties to mingle with people to get connections. I mean these two situations defer each other's purposes and motives because one is desperate for acceptance, and the other is to widen their popularity and to gain an upper hand for business purposes and stuffs like that.

I'm not saying that it's wrong to broaden your circle of friends, but is it really necessary? Why can't you complacent with the already available people in your life. Of course i'm not saying this in a Public Relations/Business point of perspective. In business, if there's no connections, there'll be no business at all.

Other than that, Are we really that desperate in crave for acceptance?

Squatting Toilets - Why the hassle?

2006-02-02T23:17:00.000+08:00

Some people say Dogs are men's best friend. Some people say A partner/spouse is a man's best friend. However, i think Toilet is a man's best friend. You see, whenever you have the runs, first thing that comes to your mind is a squeeky, shiny clean toilet bowl to lay your ass on and let it free, and get over with. The thing is sometimes life is kinda hard for you when people build squatting toilets.

The thing about squatting toilets is that it's hard to aim and sometimes your target will miss, or er.. most of the time.. I mean, it's the 21st-century already, why do people still make squatting toilet bowls anyway? Isn't it easier to just sit down, relax and let the shit drop off? I mean in another perspective, squatting toilets are cleaner in the sense of peeing and shitting because your butt doesn't make contact with the toilet bowl at all.

However, squatting toilets has lots of other bad points too.

One, if you're wearing pants, it's harder for you to take it off because you need to take it off while standing without the pants touching the wet floor of the toilet. You'll score more shit points if the walls are dirty, because you couldn't touch it. The possibilities of tripping are higher and getting your pants dirty are even higher. Maybe next time people would call you Mr. Shitty Pants already.

Two, you won't last longer than 2 minutes squatting if you have weak legs. Squatting requires the strength of your calves, knees, hips and back. If any one of these body parts are weak, i can assure you that you won't last more than a couple of minutes in the toilet while your anus is enjoying the pain of constipation.

Three, it's harder to aim since your ass is 5 - 6 inches apart from the toilet bowl. Unlike normal toilet seats that seals your butt within the drop-zone, squatting toilet bowls are quite unique as they have a more rectangular shape rather than a full oval shape. To add on to your inability to aim that accurately, weak lower body will stagger your limbs. Thus, it's like you have shaky hands while trying to hit a bulls-eye in a game of archery. If you're lucky, you score. If you're not, the arrow will hit outside the target.

Four, If you're used to leaving your pants on while you shit, this is the worst time ever. Since you curled your pants to your ankles while you take a dump, your butt will be a few centimetres away from your pants while you're squatting. The possibility of hitting the jackpot is higher because you're not protected by any barrier, unlike toilet seats which at least separates your anus with any other parts of the body. This gives rise to a higher possiblity that you will have skid marks on your pants.

Five, When it comes to Old people, it's harder to take any leak or dump. Old people are short-sighted and long-sighted, in some ways or another. Their capability of aiming is nothing better. Therefore more often they will leave piss all around the toilet. You don't need me to explain to you what happens when they pass motion don't you? Old people have weak knees, which sometimes is impossible to even squat, let alone take a dump on a squat toilet.

This guy is the MAN

Six, When it comes to women, it's even worse. Women can only piss while they're sitting down because they squirt, they don't piss. That's why it's quite hard for women to piss while squatting too.

Therefore, squatting toilets are only for the olden days where latrines are still around, unless you're talking about those military latrines at some boot camp.

Does All the Bitches happen to land on my territory?

2006-02-02T00:06:00.000+08:00

I guess very soon i won't be updating everyday already because i'm moving out from my sister's place soon. It's not really comfortable living with someone else. Someone else here doesn't mean my sister though, eventhough sometimes she's a nag, but it's for my own good. Instead, the bitch is her housemate. I just can't live with people stabbing me at the back and doing very weird stuffs in the house.

I just don't understand how can she live by everyday not knowing what her housemate will do the next time. The housemate is really weird. She keeps smelly stuffs in the fridge, talks to herself in her room, masturbates really loudly (moans and bed squeeks) and now my sis is back to Kuching for the holidays, i'm entrusted to look after the house and have to live with the stupid bitch. There's one time i stayed up late to finished the entire season of drama DVDs, cooked myself some supper and by the time i finished it, i left the bowls and plates unwashed till the next day because i wanted to finished the dramas and go to bed straightafter.

The next day, i was out with my aunt and cousin for dinner and suddenly i got a SMS from my sis. She says that the fucking shit housemate Jasmine told her that i left the utensils and plates unwashed. This is weird because she goes to work every morning around 8 something, and at that particular night she came home quite late, around 11 something. She text my sister to tell her that i didnt wash the dishes eventhough i've already did, assuming that i didn't because i'm such a slacker. Now she probably thinks that i'm the asshole that needs a little complain to move my ass to do things right. I washed those stupid dishes first thing before i went out the house. I even cleaned the kitchen and did all those shit. That's fucking weird.

What's more, she often slams the door very hard. She even accused me of reseting all those channels on the TV, which she didn't know how to set it back herself. However, she gave me the suspicious look on her eyes and interrogated me. "Did you know what happened to the TV? I think it's broken already. Tomorrow Maybe I'll Call Felicia and tell her." FUCK. By the way, Felicia is the stupid landlady who wanted a raise of $100 when she knew i was staying, but i faked that i moved the other time and she didn't know i was staying here for the past 6 months. I guess that saved me quite alot of money already. Sorry i digressed. Actually she said she wanted to call Felicia to scare me because if she comes up and asked who broke the TV, she'll tell everything and i'm in serious trouble. Not only that, my sis will be in trouble because she let me stay.

Therefore i made an ultimatum. After my sis comes back from her holiday, i'm moving out. Actually i've already restored the TV channels. It was nothing. Just a shock to the reset and all the channels were reseted. That's why we were seeing flies and bluescreens. Stupid bitch doesn't know anything about TVs, so i had to open my big heart and help out. I just don't understand. Why in my short 20years of life, i've seen so many bitches around?!

Nah, i'm just getting a little cranked up with so many things happening in such a short time. It's not really a devious type of ranting i always do. I always straightforwardly got to the main points. Not this time though. It's random.

I doubt this year would turn out better than last year. Happy Chinese New Year anyway to all my friends.

Chinese New Year is just another normal day

2006-01-31T22:30:00.000+08:00

Wow, i have been lacking updates recently. Maybe it's because i was often away from home where internet access proves essential and i seriously couldn't do shit without it. Today's the 3rd day of the Lunar New Year already and i've been here doing nothing much except taking lots of Angpows which i didnt expect to get since i'm already 20 going 21, comes October.

It's my erm.. Third time celebrating the lunar new year in Singapore with my mom's side's relatives. Seriously, over the past 21 years, i have been celebrating 18 Lunar New Years in Kuching. I think those were very memorable days eventhough the difference of the amount of money collected from AngPows were ~~a little~~ alot, not to mention after conversion. It's like 6 times the amount.

However, money couldn't buy lots of things i've forfeited for this year. The joy of hanging out with friends and kins was the big difference. All my friends are in Kuching this year. I'm the only one, feeling quite alienated eventhough i have relatives here. The feeling is just different. I've known my other family in Kuching for more than 20 years. I've only known my relatives here, for like.. 20 years too, but the time i spent with them was the gap.

In Kuching, i can joke with my uncles like friends. They dote on me (eventhough i'm 20 now) because i'm the youngest grandchild in the family. There are no gaps between age, eventhough some of my uncles are still quite conservative and traditional (most old people are like that though). I do have some uncles and aunts that are quite amiable and gregarious, but still it doesn't change much of the situation because it's hard to fit in after 20 years of absence.

I don't even know i have so many cousins. Cousins younger than me, cousins older 20-30 years older, nieces and nephews almost my age. I have so many uncles and aunts, sometimes i don't even remember what are their ranks in the family. What should i call them? Hmm, i guess time will tell. But i do appreciate some of them that made me feel comfortable and not estranged since my family is not around at this occasion. Sometimes, it's really quite nostalgic to reminisce the past.

I do have a good friend here. But he's a dick and he doesn't return my calls. But what to do. I have to live on my own and start to move on with life instead of recollecting the past. I just don't know. Most of my friends have moved on. They have taken the next step in life. I guess i never took it. What i wanted was to hangout with the same bunch of friends forever and hope it stays that way. I know friendship forever is a little corny to be uttered between men, but i really hope it happens eventhough some people i used to know frequently used the phrase "friendship forever" loosely because they don't really give a shit what came out of their mouths and take it for granted. Maybe it's just something nice to be said or maybe that phrase can spruce up your friendship regardless what kind of shit you might turn out to be in the end. People like this should just shut up.

Does fate adjourns friendship or any kind of relationship?

2006-01-26T19:15:00.001+08:00

This time of the year is the loneliest time if you're apart from your family and friends. Eventhough i have a handful of friends here, and my mom is a Singapore origin, therefore i have my relatives all here. Despite the fact that i can hang out with my relatives this year since i'm not going back to Kuching and my sis happened to have gone back, i felt more miserable.

I haven't been hanging out with older generations, albeit some of my aunts are quite okay and a few are still "hip", but i still felt that i'm very much left out in this picture. Since i came to Singapore, i never give a shit about making friends or socialising with people. I'm quite used to the life already because i don't need all that shit to move on with my life. It's not self denial, but more of conformity to the i-need-no-one-environment. I do have quite an amount of friends back in Kuching, but because i didn't have any holidays and the air ticket had quadrupled it's fare, thus i decided to let my ass sit tight and roll with the bad times, instead of going visiting and go crazy back in Kuching for at most 5days.

Sometimes i couldn't help but wonder. How do you feel when sometimes you don't have people you love the most around you during this time of the year? The other night i was out with my aunt and cousin, which out of the blue my cousin asked me, "You came here so long, never missed your family?" I gave it a second of thought and i replied her, "NOPE."

It was that kind of answer that i've expected to say everytime someone pops up the same 'ol question. Sometimes i do cogitate, do i not miss my family? Do i not miss Kuching? Do i not miss my friends? The answer is yes. I do miss my friends, family and my hometown because sometimes i just give those answers to put up a brave front. I have nothing to go against missing anyone but i just don't like the fact that sometimes people are being cynical and judgemental that they might thing "Hey, he's lonely, he's miserable, maybe he wants to mix with us later. Let's go before he pops up the awkward question we couldn't answer." or "I pity him, he's lonely, let's give him a mercy friendship to make him not feel adrift from the society." Bullshit.

I don't make friends here because frankly i'm turning into quite a loner. I do have friends, outside school. But in school, it's just about study, study, and bullshit. My sail has taken off. Pun intended. Sometimes it's just fate if you meet people, or you don't. That's just how i'm taking things nowadays. If it happens, it happens. We don't really need that hard for it anymore since it's beyond our restrain. I'm too old to start mingling around with random people already. It's like i've already lost that part of thing in my brain...

I missed my friends, family.

Blow Job Is the Thing Of The Decade, uh... no no ... Century

2006-01-25T01:35:00.000+08:00

HAHHAHAHAHA. I fixed the door. I'm such a genius. It only took $1.90 and a screwdriver. Screw the 96248888 guy. I think he blow his dad for breakfast every morning. What a fucktard. Locksmith. *SCOFFS* *SNICKERS*... Yeah RIGHT! If you're a locksmith, i'm Zeus.

I'm the King of All Locksmith in Singapore. Suck on That! OH OH OH.... Can't fix this, can't replace that.. Maybe I can fix your wife. Ask him to try, you son-of-a-bitch. I'll wreck your signboard soon. Cheese dick puss monkey. Stupid Cock-snot ass-licking plebe..

Here's a picture that looks very much like you and i couldn't think of anyone besides you when i see this. I have strict restrictions, which one of them is no erotic pictures in my blog. So here i give you, Nothing EROTIC...

The picture that Locksmith 96248888 took while blowing his Dad for breakfast every morning which i happen to found it online. WHAT a COINCIDENCE!!

Some people needs to shut up, and blow more. Stop telling me more bullshit because I seriously hate bullshit when shit is really not that much of a concern to me. This thing is really lethargic to me. Seriously. But Bullshit... Keep it to yourself because i have more of where it came from.

Eventhough he came to my house for a mere 2-3 minutes, i still can remember his face. Let me give you a mental picture while he's blowing his dad.

Something like this i presume, except so much uglier, and his moustache are thicker, and he's not caucasian.

How to spot a Shithead

2006-01-24T18:50:00.000+08:00

Fuck. I'm very frustrated, angry, and no word can describe the feeling right now. I need to kill someone. Give me a knife, i will stab him until all my anger are vented on something, or someone.

Here's what happened. On Sunday night, i accidently broke my door lock, thus i could get into the room and sleep on the bed. However, the next morning, which was Monday i called this fucking locksmith (his number is +6596248888, stupid guy. Miss call him if you want. Harrass him.) He's the biggest moron i've ever met. Fucking shithead.

I called him on the night i broke the lock, and asked him to come over first thing in the morning, which was around 8.00am. He came at 8.10am, which was not very bad because i know Singaporeans with their "punctuality". I'm not very punctual myself though, so that's why it's not very bad. So there he came after i opened the door, straight away walked in without acknowledging me, with an electric screwdriver on one hand, and a box (aparrently a door knob) in the other hand.

This fucking idiot, without asking me, straight away tried to open the door which was locked. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? He's such a no-brainer now that he can fix anything? Okay, he tried to open the door, but it was locked. (Stupid, my door couldn't be lock, that's why i called you in the first place.) After i looked at him with a big inquisitive face, he realised that wasn't the door he was supposed to fix, thus he asked me which door is the one he should be fixing instead. So i pointed at the room, and he said "Owhhhh... that one sia..". I realised there are more people stupider than me that exist in this world than i thought.

So he was so full of himself, thus i explained that the door lock was broken because i pressed too hard on the handle and consequently something in it must've broken. He unscrewed the screws on the door, took it out, tried to pull the door lock off the socket, but he realised he was too stupid for this after he took a glance, so he screwed the screws back. He told me "Sorry, it can't be fixed. I only do door knobs. This handle-type of door lock can't be fixed." So i asked him back "So can you buy the door lock for me and fix it for me? I'll pay you."

He declined my offer and said that the door lock is not on the market. His conclusion to me was the door lock is permanently damaged, irreplaceable, and there's nothing no one can do about it. He walked out of the house straight away because he knew that he's too stupid and not up to the standards of dexterity that i think most people have. I stood there with my face so fucked. So fucked. So so so fucked. I didn't know what just hit me. First thing i knew about this shit-stain was that he was so full of himself, the last thing i knew, he's just a dumbass that couldn't even fix the fucking door and he calls himself a locksmith. GO To Hell already.

Sometimes, in life if you're not good enough, don't call yourself whatever you're not. It sickens me up when i get this kind of bullshit in life. It's just like a eatery owner. If you don't have the taste buds to differentiate what is tasty and what is awful, don't open a eatery. Stop torturing yourself by trying too hard because it will just turn out the same, or even worse. What's worse, stop torturing your customers, that's if there's any left. I'm not trying to encourage people to give up their hopes or anything, just do what you do best. If you're not good in cooking, but you're good in fixing stuffs like locks, maybe you should just be a locksmith. If you're not good in fixing locks like this 92468888 guy, but you're good in being so full of yourself, maybe you can go be a gangster or something. At least the tag labels you better. Do what you do best. Don't humiliate yourself. It's not even counted as mediocre. He can't even pull the stupid lock out of the socket. Incompetency is not Complacency. Go fuck yourself already.

Don't tell me you need the money to feed your 1-year old and you have an aging mother at home who needs intensive care bullshit. $40 to open a lock is too expensive and i think there are lots of people who does that too. But why do you call yourself locksmith anyway? Because you can open locks? Or because you can change a simple door knob? Actually i know how to change a door knob. Just that this fucker screwed the screws back too tight i can't even unscrew it anymore. He used an electric screwdriver for God Sake! I bought a screwdriver from the hardware store this afternoon but i couldn't open it. Now i have to leave my door that way already.

Seriously, i called him again just now and told him my situation. He answered the phone and straight away i told him i am the guy who asked him to fix the door yesterday morning but he can't fix, and apparently he screwed the screws back too tight now i couldn't loosen those screws anymore. At first he denied this shit that he has done by kept on repeating "No, no i didn't open the screws". I told him "Bullshit, i was standing behind you, you used your power screwdriver and took the screws off and after you said you don't know how to fix it, you screwed it back." He then repeated what-so-ever bullshit he said yesterday. You know, your lock can't be repaired, and those other bullshit. It's like a repeat show on cable tv. I told him that i can pay him to come up and open the screws for me, just that. Yet again, this dipshit repeated the bullshit again. It's like he has a script on his hand and he just read again and again the same lines.

He's like a dog, turned down money to get a bone. Of course not that "bone". So i reluctantly said nevermind and i had to succumb to the fact that the door can't be fixed because i'm in Singapore and there's nothing you can do about it since finding a competent locksmith is like finding a needle in a haystack. Seriously, this won't happen when i'm in Kuching. All the hardware store sells all kinds of locks and i have the tools i need at home. Hardware stores here sell shits.

I surrender. I have to live without a lock.

Tips on how to Break Into People's house in 5seconds

2006-01-23T05:22:00.000+08:00

Finally i get to sleep.. But i wasn't tired yet, so i will write about this shit here.

Last night, like usual after finished my TV programmes, i go to the central to grab a bite. However, before i manage to leave the house, i realised i fucking locked myself outside the room, yeah.. with the keys inside, therefor which means i couldn't lock the front door, worse yet, couldn't go out because i didnt have the keys to lock my main door. Fuck.

So i tried what i do best, break in. I used those used IDD cards and phone cards to try a sweet break in. Sweet yeah? Sweat might fit the term better. Without noticing, i tried and tried over and over again for 2 hours. Before i knew it, it was 9.00pm already. Holy shit.

Desperately hungry (since i didnt eat the whole day), i called for a Pizza. Bunch of sleezy asses got my order wrong. Fucking butt-huggers. Sent me the wrong pizza. Nevermind, that's not the point. I finished it too because i ordered regular, at least they got that part right.

So i tried and tried and tried, 3 hours has passed and i was still nowhere near success. Shit. I tried all sorts of crazy shits, e.g. climbing outside the window and try to gain access through the bedroom window. I live on the 29th-storey. I climbed out. No shit. Yes, i didn't fall.

So i didn't know whatelse to do because normally i used the card trick, most of the time it worked, in a heartbeat. Fuck. Screw the shitty card. I guess all those good cards were in the room at that time so i couldn't break in to my own room. Sucks. By the time i realised it again, it was 11.00pm already. So i didnt know what the hell should i do? Call a locksmith? No fucking shit i'm gonna waste $40 on someone to open the door for me. Eventually i gave up and at the brink of a mental breakdown because of the stupid cards, not because of the door, thus i vented my anger on the door lock.

My door lock was something like this, before i broke it.

I seriously have no idea i have such enormous destructing force. I kinda applied slight pressure on the door handle, and the whole lock was busted. I then realised, What the fuck was i doing sliding cards after cards and get my fingers cut for? I could've just break the lock. No shit. It really broke. I think that cost me more than the initial $40 for some locksmith to pick my door lock open. Holy shit. At least i get to sleep on the bed tonight right? *scoffs*

Arsenal... Where Art Thou?!

2006-01-21T23:17:00.000+08:00

Arsenal lost their 6th Match already this season. Having to lose 1-0 at Goodison park, it's yet another bad day for Arsene's boys and Arsene himself. Golly Jeepers. Where's the team that thumped Middlesbrough 7-0? Where's the man that scored a hat-trick the other day and can't even score this week to break his 150th goal leveller with the other Highbury legend?

Gawd.... 1-0 is just as bad as losing 7-0. A lost is a lost. No doubt about it. Even if Chelsea can't score as crazy as Arsenal did the other day, but at least they manage to win the trophy with 20 1-0 wins, and by the end of the season became eventual winners.

Stupid African Nations Cup. What the Hell is wrong with you people? Can't get into the World Cup now you have to go join the stupid cup thingy to hope for a consolation? Give me a break. If not because of that stupid cup, Ivory Coast Defender Kolo Toure would be in the heart of defense tonight and Arsenal won't have to put the stupid defender call Kerrea Gilbert. For God sake Wenger, you have to start buying defenders already. Cygan is a wimp. Campbell is a injury-prone stone, and Toure is the only player that plays well in the team. Senderos is a Chelsea chicken ass, not to mention when Didier Drogba bamboozled him TWICE this year, nearly a third if not because the referee ruled out the tackle he did on Drogba, but also lost eventually, 2-0 to be exact.

Can't you see potentials here? I see good players in the Italian league. Italian league is as physical as EPL too you know? So stop buying attacking players only if you plan to haul back the title from Chelsea next season, which is impossible to do so this year because Chelsea is already a runaway horse. No other teams will be able to catch them anymore because Liverpool. Bleargh... Maybe 10 more years Rafa, that's if you're still around struggling to win the League Cup and reach the Semi-finals of the Champions league. If you only focus on Champions league, just go to some other part of Europe and don't compete in any other leagues. Just ask UEFA to make a special case tema for you. The Champions League Team. The only team that will play without qualification in Europe, and you shall remain victorious every season. Liverpool liverpool liverpool liverpool liverpool liverpool liverpool liverpool liverpool. Until Roman Abravmovich gets tired of Jose Mourinho not able to beat you in winning the cup every season, he'll eventually fire him to realise his dream of conquering Europe is just a mere Dream. He'll pack his bags, set his ships to sail and return back to Russia and play with his CSKA Moscow team instead..

Nokia 6630 vs Samsung E760c. Which one would you Choose?

2006-01-21T20:16:00.001+08:00

The fugly phone i've been using for the past 11months - cost me Rm1850 at that time. Trend my ASS

I have been trying to auction my nokia 6630 off at sg.yahoo.com Auctions and also ebay.com. Actually i have received quite a number of fake e-mails from Fraudulents and stupid Africans' Nigerian scams. They always offer me double, or triple the price of the original price i demanded, sometimes even offered me US$ for exchange of my stupid phone which they could get for like US$300 for a new one and only $50 for shipping. Some are just stupid and stingy Singaporeans who tried to maul me off by asking, swap for S$200? Go to HELL already..... Or better, go blow your dad.

Yesterday i received a SMS from some unknown guy who offered to trade his Samsung E760c with me. I declined him straight away because my goal was to either sell the phone off for $420 or i can just trade in at some stall for $400, which i've already asked the price. But today, when i went over to ask for the price again, to my shock i found out that after a mere couple of weeks, the price has already dropped to $350. Holy shit.

Fucking ugly phone that looks so Gay. Just call me a gay if you see me using this phone

So i looked up the paper and found out that E760c is still at a rocking price of $400. So today i SMS the guy again and asked whether he still want to deal with the phone or not. So i asked him about the phone, and i checked on GSMarena on the functions and stuffs like that. I found out that the phone is quite good, 90mb memory, Stereo Mp3 speakers, bluetooth 1.2v, 1.3mp camera, just that lack of a good 'ol Memory card slot and yeah, it's a Fucking Samsung. I hate Samsung. That's why i declined straight away yesterday. However, if compared the Samsung E760c with my phone which i only have a 64mb rs-dv-mmc, 1.3mp camera, symbian 0.6 OS, and a not-so-stereo-speakers, i'd prefer the former than the latter because i have no intentions of expanding the memory either, which would make me stuck at 64mb+7mb= 71mb. I guess that doesn't make any difference too even if you have a phone with memory slot but can't afford a 512mb memory card.

So we kinda plan for a meet-up tomorrow to check out both our phones. I hope this is not a fucking hit-and-run. I really have the audacity to meet up with some guy, which he gave me his e-mail, thus i added into my fake MSN account and we chatted. His e-mail obviously showed that he's 32years old because he was born in 1974, and he's a guy, a married guy. I wonder why would he prefer a dumbass 11month-old phone like mine? Only God Knows.. I'll check it out tomorrow. Do a dummy-car-crash-test. If the phone survives, it's mine.

Don't worry, i've learned Tae-kwon-do before during primary school until Green-yellow, which i still can do my backheel kicks, roundhouse kicks, double mid-air kicks and also of course i have WWE grapple holds for back-ups. Thanks Chris Benoit for showing all that to me. I owe him my gratitude. I will show this guy if he tries to cheat me off the phone tomorrow.

I was okay during primary school before i sulked and stopped learning because i wasn't into heavy stuffs at that time. No no, not into barbie dolls too. I'm not a sissy. I was into guns, bows and arrows, tanks, but my dad said that i couldn't learn shooting at my age, nor hold a bow right, nor drive. So i only ended up sucking my thumb, biting my fingernails, and playing with dead grasshoppers, acting like i was an undertaker digging it's grave and bury it, sometimes I even do cremations.

My only priority here is to get the phone, trade it in for a higher price than my 6630, and swap it for a w900i. Fucking salesman lied to me. They increased the price the time i went to check. You DECEIVED me you son-of-a-bitch. You're going to die in hell because i went to the shop, at the brink of buying the phone already, who knows he told me the price went up $100, and my trade in price dropped by $50. Fucking shit-stain. Go fuck yourself.

Anyone using E760c? No? Hmm, i'm a no-no to Samsungs, but i guess i'm really desperate right now so i have to take this drastic measures so that i can get a better trade in price.

WWE should hire Jeff Hardy back. TNA wrestling sucks.

2006-01-20T21:01:00.000+08:00

Recently i have been watching lots of videos via Youtube. I've downloaded those WWE matches, which most of them were by the Hardy Boyz.

I don't understand. Edge And Christian Sucked. They have no talents, not entertaining, they don't have any great maneouvres that will leave everyone is all-awe, but they still made it till today, albeit separated as individual wrestlers. How bout The Dudley Boys? They only have their stupid 3D - Dudley Death Drop, and stupid suplexes that aren't so intriguing and not to forget their other 1/3 brother, that dipshit Spike Dudley. That skinny rat. Sometimes when i watch WWE, i would just turn the stupid TV off. They sucked.

The Hardy Boyz

However, the Hardy Boyz were so much different. They assimilate as a team. Their high-risk maneouvres are interesting and always leave fans at the edge of their seats, and my favorite of all, Jeff Hardy himself. Let's face it. His finishing maneouvre - the Swanton Bomb is the best. I wouldn't agree more with the Twist of Fate because it's a mere Snapmare. Nothing much, period. Edge and Christian are just a bunch of wimps. What the fuck is with The Spear and Impaler anyway? Those moves suck and alot of people use it too, e.g. Goldberg, Rhyno (although he calls it Gore), and lots of other superstars as well. It's only just a football tackle to the mid-section and also a face buster respectively.

Swanton Bomb to Edge

What i don't understand is why Jeff Hardy was released after leaving us with such a great impact in the WWE arena? The one that should leave is Christian because he's such a loser. Well, it's hard to say too because WWE is about pro wrestling cum amateur acting. So probably Jeff Hardy was not up to the standard of amateur acting rather than the shit-stain Christian. He still suck.

I've been watching WWF/WWE my whole life. The only people i think are great? Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio, RVD, Chris Benoit, Stone Cold. The rest are just a bunch of no good wrestlers that only focused on their actings. But i'll still watch because i like to see bodies been thrown around like a bunch of lifeless carcass or better, corpse.

TNA wrestling sucks. Putting Jeff Hardy in TNA is a disgrace. Stupid Vince McMahon.

12 Chinese Zodiacs - Mouse, Lion, Zebra, Giraffe, Elephant, Platypus, Wild Boar, Beaver, Dodo bird, Dinosaur, Hamster, Pea-Cock

2006-01-19T02:37:00.000+08:00

Last night i went out to have dinner with my friend, which she paid for since i helped her moved her stuffs to her new place the other time. We went to Spizza just somewhere down the slopes of St Thomas walk, which i could hardly remember the location though. We had Victoria - mozarella, chicken sausage, chilli, and mushrooms. Pretty good. I had my Mixed vegetables in Tomato soup (typical authentic italian soup) and some Tuna Salad with olives. No picture taken because i was in the brink of trading my phone with a sony ericsson w900i, sides i didnt eat breakfast nor lunch and i was fucking hungry at that moment that i couldn't wait any longer to dig in.

So after that we went back to her place, talked and she has a couple of housemates studying in SMU. We talked while she flip through some stupid magazine or newspaper. I was too lazy to care because Does it really Matters?

She was reading some superstitious bullshit column (something like what Lilian Too wrote), which predicts your luck this time around the year since the Lunar New Year is near.

As usual what i would hear is "This year is your year because your chinese zodiac matches the current year's zodiac bullshit...", which she told me the opposite that during the Chinese-zodiac Year of the Dog, I will "Fan Tai Shui" which means that my chinese zodiac which is the Ox, will clash with the Year of the Dog. I faked the Gasp-in-horror-look and asked her do i have to wear a Banana from 29th January onwards?

I seriously don't know what all those clash-of-the-zodiacs-shits are all about. It's like all the people that were born between 29th January and 17th February year of the Ox would either die or suffer mishaps by some uncanny or peculiar and unexplained catastrophe? Oh, wait a minute. Speaking of catastrophe, I thought some guy from Thailand rocked Asia with his forecast about Tsunami striking between 26th December '05 and 15th January this year. Why am i still standing here then? That's weird.. Maybe it's not 29th January yet..

This is a total shitty thing that people believe in. It's just like some stupid people that believe in ghost really exist. Well actually ghost do exist, just that it wasn't my time to see it yet. I think that for the past few years i have already fan tai shui because everything bad happened to me already, and they say everything happens for a reason. Eat Shit.

Things don't happen for a reason. They just happen. It just happens to the best of us, and the best of us particularly means people like me. There are no animal zodiacs clashes bullshit. There's only a life you're born in which you're already determined whether you live a good life, or you'll be unlucky for the rest of your life. No stupid OX or Dog is going to tell me what my life is going to be for the rest of my life. Ox is what i eat, Dog is what i keep. They all listen to me. Even my steak listens to me because i eat them.

Fucking face or palm-reading assholes can just take their little stupid signboards, break it into as many pieces they like, burn it and start doing an honest business already. Reading people's fate is SHIT.

If you can read people's fate or see people's future, you're probably a millionaire or billionaire or Bazoonganaire already. Why do you need to look at other people's hideous faces and hold strangers' smelly and sweaty palms when you can strike the $50million European Lotto every month and drink rum by the carribeans all day long? And you call yourselves Fortuneteller. Such a catchy name for a stupid prick. Bleargh...

I'll barf my Intestines out for you if you can give me the winning numbers of the European Lotto. Call Me. If you can't, Blow Me.

Holy Shit. I kena Tomorrow-ed

2006-01-17T23:28:00.000+08:00

Frankly, my blog is just a small shit. Nobody reads and nobody cares about the content. Therefore it is an honour because i know most people had KENA Tomorrow-ED alot of times. But still it's an honour because...

This is the Entry that got published.

Now thanks for coming. You can go now..

Tricks that Only People Like Thierry Henry Could Think Of

2006-01-17T17:42:00.000+08:00

I've been watching those movies, stuffs, craps and episodes of Punk'D that i missed on MTV last time. So i logged on to YouTube and downloaded those episodes. While i was watching those series, i thought maybe i try to search for some tricks and flicks that only Thierry Henry can think off. This is fucking hilarious. His trick made me laughed, accentuated by the comments that the show hosts added. Enjoy.

Tell Me what you think. I replayed it several times and just couldn't stop laughing at his antics. Maybe it's the body expressions that's the funny part.

You never know the word Suck until you met me

2006-01-16T20:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you just gotta give credit to some people. Some people, they just love to pick on your past, or your mistakes, or just pick on you and look for your negative points. It's like reviewing a book or something, pick all the bad points of the book and see how the sales will turn out months later. But in life it's not as experimental as that..

Life is just like a book. Some book critics just won't let go even the slightest mistakes in the book just to get themselves a review that will somehow make them famous. Some people just wouldn't let go of the past even though you've tried everything to let yourself off the hook. But somehow the hook will always caught your shirt and leave torn marks on it. Eventhough you've altered the shirt, it will always leave marks on it. It will never be perfect anymore. People will always look at the hole on your shirt or the sewn marks eventhough it has been fixed.

Seriously i dont give a shit anymore about the past. What has happened, has happened. Like the people i've turned my back on, or turned their backs on me, vice-versa. That's how life is. Eventhough you don't try to find them, or you cut off what-so-ever connections with them already, they'll still talk about you, bad-mouth you, and still poke you and point at your bad things. It's like talking about how Hitler sucked even though he has died long time ago, just that it's so much different. They prick at those unhealed wounds where it hurts the most, which is worse than rubbing salt on your wounds. Well, in that case, just get on with it. Everyone has their own version of their side of the story. The only story you can believe is your own, which they don't know and most likely won't want to accept because they'll come up with the You-are-a-fucking-liar line and it's not that "intriguing" without a touch of their patching-ups just to beef up their rating of their story and somehow press your's down. Who doesn't like those catchy jingles anyway right?

Actually i'm shitty enough already. I'm an asshole and i admit it. I don't give a shit about popularity, and if people detest me, it's their problem. I am human and i know the fucking rules of this world. In high school, Most fucking females labelled me as a skirt-chaser, playboy, fickle or whatever you like to call it. They said that i manipulate girls' feelings and shits like that. Well, that's your opinion and you can have your say. If you say it to my face i'll tell you it's fine with me, and show you my bromidic grin. Actually i've heard enough bullshit that people try to tell me. I won't label it as a hearsay either because it's partially true because i'm the guy your mom warned you to stay away from.

So If there's any shits you're not happy with, consult the asshole here. At least i can dispense some of my shit and you can eat it to give you a bigger brain. Try it. Free of charge. Owh, just that i need input to produce output. So buy me a sandwich or something proportionate will do. I don't wanna give myself a bloat stomach.

Blow me.

With utmost sincere,

The asshole himself.

p/s: Reality Check, try consult a shrink. Houston, we have a problem..
p/p/s: I'm done with all this shit and i hate to write this too. I'm an asshole, jackass, anything. Thanks for reminding me again, and thank me for re-reminding myself again.. I'm such a jerk. How bout rewarding myself with a w900i? It's official. HAHAHA. I'm getting myself a W900i. At least i have something to feel good about..

Have you encounter this kind of bullshit before? Of course you do you fucking liar. You can't even tell a lie without blinking your eyes 100times over 10seconds. Everybody does..

New Year's Resolution? No shit......

2006-01-16T02:49:00.000+08:00

I know it's a little late already since everyone has made their New Year's Resolution Before the New Year. But like always, it's better late then never right?

Well, i'm not gonna list all those shits that i'm resoluting for, instead i'm gonna list some of the things i wanna get myself as a erm.. New Year gifts and also since i'm turning 21 this year. Umm, actually it's something i would do too, but what the hell..

Since one of my New Year's resolution is to get more drunk than last year, so i'm gonna find some crazy stuffs to make my year a better one than last year. Seriously, Last year really sucked because i realised there were so many things that really blew. Some people really got under my skin and that really blows. But like it matters..

So here are some things i found online which i wanna get.

1) Beer Bong

This is fucking cool. Since we like to shake things off with a little beer drinking, what about a beer bong to make someone puke and crazy shits like that. Since end of this year we might wanna plan another crazy escapade again, why not bring 3 crates of beer and bust our asses off? Actually i prefer tequila shots though, easy to go down with and won't bloat your stomach. So if you wanna make people drunk and puke thereafter, buy a beer bong. No party is complete without this.

2) Liquor Flask

This is one fucking cool flask. I can use it to store anything. Scotch, Rum, any shits. As long as i can bring it along with me in my pocket. Looks a bit classy too. But i'm not cultured, not sophisticated and shits like that, maybe i'll just get a ribena flask.

3) Liquor Filter

Since i'm getting all those crazy shits, might as well get this one too. Well, it's a liquor filter which i can transfer those unfinished liquor from the other bottle, to another. Sometimes, a rubber tap might do the trick too. NExt!

4) Mini Beer Bongs

My boys and I are beer lovers. Most of the time we would top things off beer drinking and shits like that. So these mini beer bongs would do just the trick. Why bother waiting to puke after 10 shots of tequila? It ain't gonna happen that fast. But, Holy shit. This thing can help you gulp down 375ml of beer in less than 5 seconds. Beer shots. How bout that.

5) Drinking games
- Instead of playing with 7-11 doubles, i'm gonna look for more drinking games like the irish roulette, Beer Die, and Shitface to play with. You will eventually get bored of playing the same thing all over again right? Give yourself a little more excitement.. Look for more games.. Show a little more enthusiasm..

I got some more coming up, but now i gotta sleep. It's already 3am in the morning, so Have a nice day, party hard and get a little crazy...

Now Even Women Can Piss like a MAN

2006-01-15T01:30:00.000+08:00

Holy SHIT! I found something on the net recently after i wrote about the other pissing post.

Remember the other day i wrote in my post that Women can only piss while sitting, or well.. Squatting? Not Anymore.. Now every woman can afford a fake penis (sort of) at a very affordable price. Well, sort of can piss like a man right now because they have this extension penis look-a-like.

Plastic "Penis" - well, actually it looked like one of my childhood Sandbox Scoops or spade.

This revolutionary invention is call the TravelMate. The TravelMate is a non-invasive Urinary Device which enables women to piss through their zipper while standing, e.g. While wearing jeans, which you don't need to go through the hassle of taking the whole jeans off just to get a good piss. *Scoff*

Not only that, the TravelMate is convenient for tiny places such as plane toilets, small cubicles and places that you can only pee while standing.

Here are some other Benefits of this product:

- You can now avoid contact with the washroom surface, which means you don't have to sit on dirty toilet seats, or go through the hassle of squatting on top of the dirty toilet seats because you can pee straight away while standing, just like a man. How cool is that?

- This is one of my favorites. Minimize Undressing. TravelMate users are able to pee without having to seek out a private place to get halfway undressed. Like us, males can pee by only unzipping our fly, pull out the maturity and piss away. Just as easy as Ahoy! Anchor's away! You can remained fully clothed.

- No Toiletpapers required. Most women has to bring napkins or tissuepaper everywhere because they need that for wiping (i'm not stupid). Well, the cradle of this Thing will wipe or sweep off residual urine. Which makes it quite useful for travelling and outdoor activities.

Note: I'm not doing an Ad for Travelmate. Just that some girls told me i wasn't being sensitive when i wrote about the Girls can't pee while standing post. So i'm trying to be a little more sensitive here because now girls can pee while standing. Enough said..

Source: TravelMate

Is it Just me or My Face Spells I NEED FHM?

2006-01-14T01:54:00.000+08:00

The other day, it was raining (as usual). I couldn't do any outdoor stuffs, so i decided to get something to read since i wasn't in the mood to study. Mood Swing - but i'm not woman yet, and i don't have PMS, you know. Or it's just me, the usual read-other-stuffs-but-rather-not-read-those-notes..

So there i was. Staring outside and wondering what to do. Then suddenly i thought of the magazine i saw the other day when i passed by this stall just right outside the MRT station that sells newspapers and magazines. So i quickly got downstairs, hoping to get myself this month's edition of FHM. No shit, i read FHM, erm.. singapore FHM. The girls aren't sexy enough, but why still i wanted to buy? No shit. Dawn Yeo or Dawn Yang or whatever her name is, is on the front cover of January's FHM. She's not really that hot, but i just wanna see what the hell that made her so great until she appears on FHM before Xiaxue. Or did Xiaxue already made it on the front cover before? I don't really give a shit anyway.

Quite voluptuous, and definitely hotter than Xiaxue..

So i arrived at this stall (still fucking raining), and i was looking for the magazine, by just looking with my eyes, browsing over the place. I didnt even flip or touch those books to see whether there's any FHM left. Well, it's sold out. This was when the Auntie suddenly said to me, "Ah Di, FHM bo liao. Ai Dan Ma Zai.." - Which means "Boy, FHM no more, have to wait until tomorrow".

Shit?! There were so many other magazines that were sold out, what makes you think i wanted a FHM? (well, of course i do wanted a FHM, But i didn't even ask whether there's still any FHM left?).

Does my face really look like i'm the typical guy that needs a FHM to live by my miserable life everyday? Does my face spell FHM-avid-reader or Horny-guy-coming-through-please-make-way? Well, the truth maybe i'm the latter but, damn... Why couldn't she just ask me whether it's Cleo that i'm looking for because i do read Cleo quite often too you know.. or maybe Her World, or maybe some soccer mag. I dig soccer mag, yo!? I'm a guy, that went down to look for some friggin' magazine in an Inter-Milan Jersey. Why didn't you ask me whether it's some fucking soccer Magazine that i was looking for?

Okay, i'm a horny school boy that needs my not-so-horny mag. OKay?! Now who wants to borrow me the FHM then? Haha, i haven't buy it yet. Or anyone just give me an insight of the articles already..

Fuck. Tsunami is really coming

2006-01-13T02:23:00.000+08:00

I feel like i'm Living in London right now. It rains like fucking hell and it's friggin' cold everyday. I can't do my jogs, i have to bring my mini umbrella everywhere and it's white in colour which makes me look so much like a sissy, Taking bus is a bitch because i have to walk quite a distance and yes i always get my jeans wet and now i have to clean it up once a week. Fucking shit. Why on earth does it have to rain the whole day?! I haven't been jogging for like 3 weeks already. RAIN GOD, i know i ever said please rain, but don't rain so long will ya. Stop...... I need to jog already. Fucking shit. I can't do a shit right when it rains 24/7.

Don't you just hate it when it rains?